17 December 2009

A REAL update :-)

I realize I've been a loser at blogging, and when I do, it's usually a quick sentence or two with a photo to go along. This post will be different. It's not often I really talk about my feelings on my blog. I'm not sure why. But get ready cause it's all coming out! And don't mind me if I jump around a little on topics, I tend to ramble.

So the biggest news recently: Philip graduated!! WOO HOO! I can't tell you what a relief that is for us. He's spent so much time over the last few years of our marriage studying, working on projects, dealing with his insane work/school schedule. It's finally paid off! He's DONE! Not to mention he's pulled amazing grades too! :-)
Good Job Baby!!

...in other news...

We've resigned our lease here in the Issaquah Highlands. We've decided that we like it up here enough to stay at least another 10 months. Lately, we've really been considering our options, and weighing out our priorities. It's going to be difficult for Philip to be jumping into the job market, especially the way the economy is right now. We're hoping and praying that he can find something soon that will not only utilize his degree, but make him happy and fulfilled. So we're going to give it a good 10 months and see what happens with Philips job situation. Let's face it, Seattle is not a cheap place to reside. The cost of living is ridiculous and we're just not sure that the beautiful mountains and "job opportunities " are worth it anymore. I used to really love living here, but lately, it's been hard for me to dig up very many reasons to stay in this area. It's difficult realizing that the place you grew up may not be what's best for you anymore. And we are starting a family now, so it's not just about us.
Sooo.... we'll see what happens over the next year or so.

...next subject...

The first 20 weeks of my pregnancy were pretty harsh. I was so incredibly sick and had to basically quit my full time job. Once I started feeling better, I went back to work part time in October & November. Now -- I'm not working again. (as my contract was up working part time). My boss has made it clear that my full time position is always there for me if I want it. But now the dilemma is: Do I go back to work so that we can be a little more comfortable financially? Or do I stay home, while Philip works his butt off, all the while knowing that we might be a little worse off financially?
Philip and both really feel it's best for me to stay home with our little boy. I want to be the one, along side Philip of course, raising him, teaching him, and helping him to learn those important values that are instilled at a young age. I'm afraid of what society is becoming, I'm afraid of what little kids are being taught now, the things they are exposed to. The thought of handing him off to a babysitter/nanny/daycare is so scary to me, I won't know what he's coming in contact with and what he's learning. I just hope I don't have to do that, because not many can't afford to have a parent stay at home anymore, at least not in an area like this.

...moving on...

DISCLAIMER: These are my personal feelings, not to offend anyone who has chosen to go a different route than what I'm intending to do.
I'm starting to get really nervous about the delivery of our baby. Everyone tells me not to worry about it, it'll all be fine. And I'm sure they're right. But a big difference between most people and me - is that I'm not planning to have an epidural. Would my insurance cover one? Sure. But I would very much like to have a natural birth. A lot of people have told me "You're crazy, just get the drugs, don't be a hero". And I get it, with modern medicine these days, why would anyone want to go through the pain of childbirth? Well I will tell you what my reasons are.
I want to be fully aware of what is happening during the labor/delivery. I don't want to be numb or drugged up. I don't want my baby exposed to drugs unless necessary. But most importantly, I think there is there's something special about going through it all naturally, feeling the pain, and knowing that I am strong enough to do it. Feeling empowered. Knowing that us women were chosen to have children, and for a very specific reason. We are divine in our nature and are extremely capable. Having the ability to bear children is not only a privilege but a blessing and I truly feel that I will appreciate it more if I can experience it 100%.
I guess what I'm nervous about is that when the time comes, I will give in to the convenience of the medications. That I will just take the easier road, rather than follow through with what I really want to do. Not to say that it's easy for anyone, epidural or not. But you know what I mean. I just have this perfect plan, and I think I might be a little disappointed in myself if I can't get through it on my own. Luckily, I have a loving husband who knows and agrees with my feelings on this. He will be there to encourage me and support me and tell me that I CAN have my baby the way I envisioned it. Well, unless there are complications and it goes without saying that I would always put the baby first. So in that case, I would welcome and accept any kind of medication I would need to keep my baby safe and healthy. But of course I'm hoping and praying for a smooth delivery with no complications. Well that's that. I guess I'll let you all know how it goes!

Well there you have it! There is so much more rattling around in my head but honestly I'm getting really tired and I still have to take the dog out! Dang it.

Night Night!

4 comments:

Luke, Leah, Owen, and Sophia said...

Good Luck! I hope you stick to your guns...I know you are super strong...and having done it both ways I know you can do it! In all honesty the pain wasn't as bad my first time around and once the babies were delivered the pain was immediately GONE.

Nikki said...

Don't feel bad for writing what you feel, this is what blogging is for! I feel you on the location thing...somedays we talk about moving out of state. Somewhere that it doesn't rain as much would be nice ;)

As for the epidural. I've only witnessed my nephews birth. But I always hear people say..feel it out. Find out the last possible moment you can get one. If my nephew had come 12 hours earlier I think my sister could've done it naturally. I read a lot of mommy blogs, you should check out www.designmom.com, she's doing a series on peoples birth experiences. Don't be nervous. It will all be worth it.

Whew, that's making up for all the comments I would've posted if you were blogging more often ;0

Bart and Jill said...

It was so great getting together with you guys tonight! I am so excited for you to have your little boy! Mandy, I know you can do it. What you said about your ideas behind birth is extremely inspiring. It truly is a blessing to be able to give birth, as intended, naturally. I honestly want to offer you my support in every way possible. I have read somewhere that having a woman at your birth, who has done it before, who knows your pain and who also has the same mind set and desires as the birthing mother, makes it possible for the woman to get through it. That being said, I would love to be at your birth if you feel like it would get you through it, naturally because the littlest bit of temptation for drugs I'm sure would be hard to resist. I am so proud of you. Even if you ended up having an epidural, I would still be proud of you. My birth really is one of my proudest moments. I did it and am SO EXCITED to do it again. I love the empowering feeling I now have because it is totally possible. Love you girl.

bbechens3 said...

I bet you are getting so excited! I dont find your blog offensive in anyway. I had a epidural with Jerimiah only because they told me that if I didnt I was going in for a C-Section(Thats what you get with a 11 lb baby!) We talked about how I went natural with Hannah and I can tell you that its an amazing thing to do! I know you can do it, but if you do not dont be dissapointed in yourself. Your going to have a happy healthy baby and that is what really matters! Im rooting for you sweetie!