22 July 2010

what it means to me

before baby: working full time, as a user research coordinator at microsoft. part time photographer.
after baby: stay at home mom. part time photographer.

before i got married, i never thought i would be a SAHM (stay at home mom). i kinda always thought i would be working. i've always worked, since before i had my drivers license even. i actually like working (most of the time). i like having goals, and feeling accomplished. it's a routine. i thrive on routine.

after philip and i got married, the prospect of starting a family was becoming more and more real. and the more i envisioned how things would be with a baby in the picture. i really started prioritizing what was important in life. what i thought i wanted, changed.

when i found out i was pregnant, and i could feel this little life growing inside of me, it became clear that working full time was not important anymore. i was about to have a BABY- a tiny little life that i was going to be responsible for. this little boy is going to need me. he's going to rely on me.
the idea of being away from my little baby was heartbreaking. of course, if i HAD to i would work after the baby i would. but i really really didn't want to.

{don't get me wrong, i have so much respect and admiration for working mama's. it's hard and sometimes necessary. and those that don't have to, but choose to work - i respect you too!}

after our sweet bennett was born, the plan was for me to stay home as long as i could. hopefully, indefinitely. i had all of these ideas of what i would do all day at home. what i would become as a SAHM. i didn't take long to realize that my aspirations were a little unrealistic. at least for me.

dinner every night. an immaculate house. laundry always done and folded. dishes done and put away. exercise every other day.... etc.

not. so. much.

is it just me or does anyone else feel that there is just not enough time in the day?
granted - i do work part time and spend a lot of my down time (when bennett is napping) editing photos for my clients. but still - i can't seem to get the things done that i want to.

i still have high hopes that one day i will be super mom.

until then, i've realized that right now, what being a SAHM mom means to me is this:
i will love my baby. i will read to him, snuggle him, love him, play with him, take him places, feed him, love him, kiss him, teach him, love him.
and when i get the time and when i can stop staring at my baby... i will clean, cook, be a "homemaker".
and let's face it. being a mother, just a mother (minus the homemaker stuff) is hard work. is it not?

sometimes i miss working full time. i'm crazy right. but all i have to do is look at my amazing baby boy, and i couldn't imagine living life any other way. i have new goals, new things to look forward to. better things.

this is my life.

being a stay at home mom is definitely always hard work. but above all, it's a blessing. i am so thankful that i have the ability to do it. i'm so happy that i get to be the one to teach my son good morals and values. i hope he learns to be confident, but humble. strong, but sensitive. happy, yet grateful.

i'm thankful to my husband for working so hard so that i can stay home. i'm thankful that i get to raise my little boy. i get to be there for him. teach him. love him. all the live long day.

i'm just thankful.


Jhen.Stark said...

Oh beautiful post! Staying home is definitely a beautiful blessing and I appreciate my husband so much more for this chance to be home with my darling girl. But there are days when I miss the idea of "working" {and those days are becoming FEWER AND FEWER}! Thank goodness for part time photography, eh?!?!

Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

Very lovely post. Being a SAHM is VERY hard work. I really don't get anything done around the house. It's been pretty hard trying to get a routine. I'm just trying to do my best. :)

Michael, Mindy, and Dane said...

This is so sweet! Leaving my baby to go to work is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm glad you recognize what a blessing it is to be able to stay home with him. He is so cute. Love this post!

melissa d. said...

love this post!
lol, papaer mama-i don't get anything done either. i always feel bad i have no house work to show for all the time i spend at home!

Angie McCulloch said...

totally crying right now...i mean tears on the cheeks! you said it beautifully! i LOVE being a sahm for the summer and am sooo sooo sooo sad to have to leave my little girl in a few weeks to go back to teaching. not sure how i'll do it, but the fact that we have 2 loving grandmas to watch her makes my heart not break as much! i know it is the hardest job...but it is the most rewarding. bennett is sooooooo very lucky to have a mommy like you!

adriel, from the mommyhood memos said...

oh mandy, yes, yes, yes! i feel you every step of the way. it's hard... but we really are so blessed aren't we? i have my moments of wanting to trade places with my husband, but if given the chance i would turn it down in a heartbeat. i love, love, love that i get to be home with my sweet boy. you're doing a great job mama. x

Nikki said...

And it's a beautiful life! Both Philip and Bennett are lucky to have you too!

The Reluctant Blogger said...

You said it all perfectly. I think all of us SAHM's feel the same way, I too had the image in my head of a spotless house and beautifully prepared meals...I have adjusted that image to have happy children, happy Momma and happy Daddy...if I get showered during the day and have a load of laundry done then awesome...if not...oh well!

Sarah Fox said...

I needed to hear this. I am a SAHM & sometimes I lose sight of what a blessing it is & I too am a part-time photographer so I feel like i NEED to be super mom & having everything done & complete which is unrealistic, but that is how us crazy mamas think sometimes.
<3 Sarah