13 December 2010

emotional.

I've been kind of emotional lately.

I'm not sure why exactly. I think I'm having some weird anxiety about Bennett growing up. Does anyone else relate?

As exciting as it is to watch him learn new things, and discover the world around him-- I find myself spending more time reminiscing about him as a little tiny baby.

I was talking with Shawntae the other day, about Bennett's birth. Those feelings of anxiousness, wonder, excitement, worry, love... they all came rushing back like it was just yesterday that he was born.
{ 6  hours old }


I think it's probably the fact that NEXT MONTH he will be turning ONE year old and I'm realizing how fast time goes. As new Mom's we all hear it: "Enjoy every minute, they grow way too fast!" But when I think back... did I really enjoy every single moment? I'd like to think I tried... but the idea that I can't get some of those moments back from this past year, is heartbreaking.

It's inevitable, my baby is getting older, and he's becoming less of a baby. I remember the first few weeks we had Bennett home with us, it was magical. It was amazing. This brand new little life was given to us and I think I took for granted how special those days were. I don't know, I'm having a hard time putting into words how I'm feeling. So I will stop here!

Someone else please tell me I'm not nuts!



17 comments:

Angie McCulloch said...

funny you posted this, I was just working on Kaylin's 11 month post for tomorrow and totally tearing up writing it for the same reasons you were explaining. we are so unbelievably lucky to be watching our babies grow up happy and healthy, yet i find myself thinking about the past and rocking kaylin to sleep in my arms...i miss that! now it's feed and immediately down in the crib working on sleep training. it makes me sad! i'm right there with you! i guess when the baby bug hits again, we can try for #2...it will probably be another year or so for us though! hugs hun...and give bennett some extra hugs today! i will when i get home too...in 8 hours...ugh...missing even more moments with her makes me sad!

m&msmommy said...

You are not crazy at all! Mia will be one on January 18th and I am having the hardest time with it! AND I've been through this before (my son will be 5 on January 31st), so none of this is new to me BUT I'm still REALLY emotional about it! I'm not sure if it's because she MAY be our last one or because she's my little girl, or because I work out of the home full time so I feel like I miss out on more, or what, but it's hard!

Hang in there! :)

Nikki said...

Time for another baby! ;) Judging from the earlier, I think you've enjoyed quite a bit of his first year and so did we. How fortunate you have your wonderful photos and blog posts to look back on. I know it's not the same as holding your tiny newborn. Just wrap Jeffrey in a blanket and cuddle him at 3am.

Don't fret!

Nikki said...

*from the earlier posts...

I need to work on proof reading ;)

uwmomma said...

You are so not nuts ;) I've been feeling the same way lately. Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I had just read a friend's recent birth story, and I kept replaying mine over and over again in my head! I think about all that Ellie, Scott, and I have been through and learned over the past year.....it's amazing and sad all at the same time. For me, I think it's translating into baby fever ;)

ohboy said...

No I think all moms feel like that. I personally love Drake at the age he is right now, 6 months. He can hold his own head up and feels like a solid baby in my arms. He can amuse himself and laughs and smiles and doesnt cry as much as he use to. I wonder at times if I am savoring every moment like I want to and some days, tired days, frustrated days, lazy days, I know Im not taking advantage. I like you try to capture as many moments I can on camera and video in hopes of being able to stop time from marching on but sadly it does. Just try to enjoy the moments and know even when he gets bigger he is still your precious baby always

SarahinSC said...

Not nuts, just ready for another baby!

Amber said...

You are far from nuts!!!! I go through similar emotions almost every day...literally. Sometimes I just want to freeze time.

Last week I finished reading Bringing Up Boys. I cried like a baby while reading one of the last pages. Then I re-read it to Sam and cried so hard he had to hug me and hold me tight for a while.

PamJ said...

Hugs! That is totally normal. I want my baby to stay little forever [then I won't crave another one too soon!!]... but he will be TWO in March. It goes way too fast, and makes me feel slightly older in the process too :) So squeeze&love Bennett as much as he will let you right now to enjoy it...

Lauren said...

I totally feel the same way everyday. It was really hard right before Ryans first birthday so I can completely relate! Just soak up every moment from now on, you are an amazing mommy!

Stacey said...

You are not nuts. My "baby" is 2 and a half and we are done having babies. Every time I rock him at night I think that I'm one day closer to NOT being able to rock him anymore.

Not nuts, just a wonderful momma!

Sarah Halstead said...

You are not going nuts at all. It really is crazy how fast it goes. I get emotional just thinking about how big my boys are getting.

- Jessi - said...

I totally understand and I think every mom does. Alexis is only 4 months and I hate to think she's growing up to fast. It's a bittersweet experience. It's nice to be able to do more things with them and show them new things and their sense of wonder just shows. Yet, bitter because in the first year they do grow to fast. In just 4 months, it's amazing how much she knows now. I'm getting emotional thinking about it. Just enjoy the time we have with them, it really is priceless. :)

Stephanie Thigpen said...

This is exactly how I tried to word my post about wanting another baby that I posted the other day! I just miss my little baby so much, and she's about to be TWO. TWO! Ugh, I totally feel ya girl...

AmyLee said...

you are not crazy... i think this stuff all the time while i'm nursing my baby. i never thought weaning would be hard, but now i dread it. it's the last shred of something i have that ties me to that itty bitty little helpless baby.

Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

Oh, you're so sweet. You will have all these amazing photos to look back on and you get to look forward to all the amazing moments to come!!!

Rachel said...

Oh I totally understand! Mine is only 6 weeks and I'm already going through the same thing! I wrote a post about it on my blog:
http://wokabout.net/2010/11/27/dear-xavier/

I don't think I've ever commented on your blog before but I've been following for awhile now and I love your beautiful photos! You and Bennett will always have beautiful memories of your first year together.