28 February 2011

Nourishment.

{you'll have to forgive me, I'm not the best writer and sometimes i have trouble keeping my thoughts in order! ha ha}

There were many days where I'd be stressed out at work because I had a deadline to meet, or a project that I just couldn't get a handle on. Times I would be so frustrated and just want to QUIT. Well, I did. When my son was born, I quit my full time job to be a "home maker".

I love it, and I wouldn't change a thing.

With that said, it's also very mentally and emotionally taxing. Sometimes I feel drained. Just completely drained. When my Husband comes home at night, I feel badly - because I just have nothing to offer. No dinner on the table, the house is a mess. I'm a mess.

People like to tell me "Oh it must be nice to not have to work, just hang out with your kid all day" - and they're halfway right. I LOVE being able to hang out with my amazing son all day. But they are dead wrong about me not having to work. I WORK so hard. Not only do I do Photography part time, but I'm Chasing around a 13 month old! Trying to keep sane while he's clingy/fussy/naughty. He tests his limits constantly. Challenging my ability to be patient. Challenging me to learn from him - the very child I'm trying to teach.
I have little free time to myself to replenish. You know, those moments when you can just "be". We all NEED those times. I need to continually find ways to nourish myself. To give life back to the person I know that I am. Being a Mom is absolutely the most fulfilling thing in the world, but I'm not just a Mom, I'm a woman that has hobbies and dreams. I have goals and I have desires. This blog definitely helps. I find so much peace here. My photography helps, I can dive into editing a good session and be inspired.

Being a full time Mommy is both the hardest & most rewarding thing I've ever done. But through all of the insanity, I love it.

It's extremely hard to find a balance - but I'm getting there. If anyone has any advise, please share!

28 comments:

♡ Ambrosia said...

Oh sweet girl...you are so right.
I have 3 sons...ages 10, 6 & 4. During the day 2 of them go to school and I still have 1 at home. Even though he's not baby anymore, it is very tiring. I am being mommy/houskeeper/short order cook/laundromat/wife...the list goes on and on. And once the other 2 are home from school i can forget about getting anything done till they go to bed {thats why bedtime in this house is 7pm!} And then I end up staying up until all hours of the night because this is my quiet time. And to top it off my husband works & lives in another town during the week so I am doing this all on my own. We wear many hats dont we...its by the Grace of God I can get up and do it all again everyday!

You are beautiful <3

Stephanie Thigpen said...

AH, I LOVE YOU! I seriously love this post beyond belief... It is most certainly a job, and sometimes the hardest one. It's a rare occasion that I have spotless house at once, and I've started to realize that that's okay. So what if there's a laundry room full of dirty clothes and a sink full of dishes that need to be put in the dishwasher? As long as I'm happy, my husband is happy, and my little girl is happy, everything else will fall into place. It's taken me a long time to understand all of this, and it's still hard for me to express it in words, but I'm getting there. :) I know you will to, sweet girl!

ADSchill said...

I am always around to help with B, or to provide some hang-out time. When he goes to bed, hit me up sista!
You are doing just fine.

Holly - Holly Days said...

AY-MEN!!!!! I love this post so much!

AmyLee said...

ditto ditto ditto.
and another frustrating thing to me is trying to explain why it is so hard to people who just. don't. know. (ie: sam).
i think this post just made me realize i need a girl's night :)

Jhen.Stark said...

yes. yes. and more yes. Oh sweet Nourishment... I hear you whisper my name...

Casey Martinez said...

It's such a learn as we go thing huh. Some days are awesome and take me to mountain mommy high and others are SO exhausting and I barely make it through. Those good days help us to get through the tough ones though. You are doing a fantastic job!!

Tiffany said...

Girl, I have been working on a post about the VERY same thing over the last week....I keep going back to it. I couldn't agree more! Being a SAHM is the hardest, but most rewarding job I've ever had. It's very exhausting! There's no hangin' out on the couch watchin' TV eating bon-bons over here :) My 9.5mo old is now walking, so I'm constantly after him! We DO need "me" time, we DO need a break every once in awhile, & we DO need to nourish ourselves :)

Alexis said...

oh man, i need advice too! i know i work, but because it's 3-12 hour night shifts, i still feel like a sahm... it's exhausting!! wouldn't change it for the world.

Angie McCulloch said...

this is so true! it's so hard to find a balance! thank you for being so honest, it takes a lot of courage to share your feelings like that...but all of us moms can relate. you are doing a FANTASTIC job!

Selena @ Stoneyville said...

AMEN! I love being a stay at home mom but it seems like we work 24/7/365. Since I am home all the time my husband sometimes takes for granted that I will always deal with addison even if he is home. Thanks for saying it outloud. I know a lot of us are thinking it!

Melissa said...

I'm pretty sure that you wrote what every SAHM feels. I completely agree with every word you wrote. The hardest thing is that some of my friends without kids don't understand. I sometimes won't call them back becasue when I get that chance to just rest I don't want to pick up the phone. They tell me "everyone is busy" "why don't you call me back" it can be very frustrating. I'm trying to find a balance in my life and my daughter is 13 months old and I still haven't found it. I don't have dinner made, toys are everywhere and the laundry is only part done. We work hard, be proud of that little boy of yours, he is the important thing every day, everything else can wait because he'll only be this age once. I really enjoy reading your blog and it's just refreshing to come here and know that I'm not alone with the ups and downs of being a parent. You're doing a wonderful job. :)

Ashley Sisk said...

What a great post - from the other side of the glass...I hope one day I can follow in your footsteps because I think that the work you do is much more powerful than what I do on a daily basis. But I can see it in your eyes...that look that says, I need a break. :)

nicole. said...

I have struggled with this since the day my son was born. Finding time for YOU is hard! When your children get older, making time for you {and your husband} is easier - they start school, play sports, have friends and sleepovers.. This is one of those times in life where our strength as mothers shines. Not anyone other than a mother can understand :) which is why us mama's have to stick together.

Plan a girls night and live it up ... and get a pedicure, that ALWAYS makes me feel better!

Sylvia Cook Photography said...

Yes, I often thought just how much should a stay at home mommy get paid? After all... she does the housekeeping, cooking, childcare, laundry, and chaufering all day long, every day. Should be at least a million dollars a year!

And sometimes it is easier to at least work part time away from the home to have a break and some different stimulation.

There's no doubt that chasing B around the house all day is a tiring job! I can't wait till it's my turn in May:) Maybe I should schedule my own vacation after you guys get back?

And don't feel guilty if every once in awhile you need some time for yourself. (I remember what it was like to do it alone). So you can bring him over once in awhile on days that you don't have a photo session just for some YOU time if you want! B won't mind!!

Summer said...

I think you read this from my mind! I feel the same way. Being a SAHM is so much harder than people realize. It's not always fun and games like others think it is. We don't get breaks or even time to eat without someone trying to steal our food! :) But I also wouldn't change it either. I feel so lucky to be able to raise my boys and love on them whenever I want!

Nikki said...

Keep on truckin'! That's valid parenting advice right? ;)

I think you're doing a wonderful job, and who cares if the house is a mess...Bennett won't remember that when he's older, he'll only remember the time spent with his mama.

I don't know how you do it. I'm exhausted hanging out with my nephew for a few hours.

Lindsi said...

Oh Mandy, I understand COMPLETELY (as you well know)!! As fullfilling as this job is, it has got to be the hardest one around. Hands Down! Em is FOUR, and I STILL feel this same, exact way!! If YOU find the perfect balance, PLEASE share as well! We should get together and hang more often - we don't do it enough!

Jaymi said...

beautiful! your eyes are AMAZING in this shot!

Jess said...

You're an amazing mother. I think stay at home moms deserve more credit... but maybe I'm biased ;). It's the most rewarding work, though.
Elliot tends to be less clingy/fussy in the morning. I fact, he will even nap by himself in the am, usually. So I use that time for myself- to read up on blogs, to grab a bite to eat, to shower, etc.

melissa d. said...

this is a great post-makes me feel even closer to you than even before :)
being a sahm is a lot of work and i think you are doing a great job at it!
i totally understand the having nothing offer when the hubs comes home though-i do the same thing to tim and he just doesn't understand why after having the whole day to what he thinks is 'myself' the house isn't clean.
you, me, jill and amy should schedule a monthly girls night!

Sara said...

Thank you for saying this! People think it's so easy to stay home, but it is exhausting, emotionally and physically. I love it and wouldn't change it, but other people just don't understand. I don't have advice, but know that you are not alone in this feeling!!

Michelle said...

I hear you! My house is constantly a mess and I'm constantly exhausted, lol. I had unexpected visitors the other day and wanted to cry because the house was so messy. The only time I get to rest is on a monday when my daughter is in preschool and my babe is having his nap, lol.
Beautiful photo, you look like you could just close your eyes and be asleep in seconds :)

Kari said...

I am right there with you...it's tough being a good mommy. Hang in there. I heard it gets easier as they get older. XOXO

Stepper the Mighty said...

I am about to enter the world of 3 kids ages 3 and under. That tiny bit of self-time that I have remaining will be obliterated - and I am pretty anxious about that. You're right, we do all need to have some me time. Just to stay sane!

And you're also right - I've done both the stay-at-home mom thing and the working mom thing. They're both hard - but for me? Being a stay-at-home mom has actually been more difficult. Because it's emotionally draining in a much different way than being a working mom was.

But you're also right that it's the most rewarding thing ever. I feel like I am challenged and that I grow far more now as a stay at home mom than I ever was with a career.

And some day, they'll be old enough to take to the grocery store without so much effort!

:D

Tiffany said...

I always love coming to your blog. your photos are one the best ive seen on blogger though I love quite a few blogs you are definitely one of the top and you always know how to make a photo and eyes pop I'm so jealous!

Branson @ Reflection of Something said...

This post was featured as one of The Best of The Best this week!

http://blmerrill.blogspot.com/2011/03/best-of-best-march-4.html

adriel, from the mommyhood memos said...

yes!!! sometimes i "miss" the stress of work compared to the stress of being home all day every day! although i am SO happy to be at home and wouldn't change a thing, it is--without a doubt--the most challenging undertaking i've ever had! some days i desperately want to call in sick... but it's impossible!