05 April 2011

It's a choice.

There have been a few situations lately, in which I have felt offended. Conversations I've walked away from, feeling misunderstood, or judged. And if you have ever felt those things, which I'm sure you have, you know that it's not a good feeling. Those negative feelings can dwell deep within you and just fester. Sometimes, they'll even make you angry.

And then I remembered this article. And realized that I can choose not to be offended. I may not be able to control what someone does or says to me (nor would I want to). But I can control my own attitude and how I react to it.

It's a process, and it's definitely hard to do. But I will work on it.

And Nothing Shall Offend Them

When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended.

One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended—and to say with Pahoran, “it mattereth not.”

Through the strengthening power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, you and I can be blessed to avoid and triumph over offense. “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them” (Psalm 119:165).

David A. Bednar
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles




27 comments:

melissa d. said...

psalms 119 has been my favorite lately!

Courtney K. said...

AGREED. With all of it. It's hard sometimes not to feel offended...and somehow, I think that is worse online. [??] Keep your head up girl and keep working on choosing to not be offended and drug down!

Lea also known as "CiCi" said...

Beautifully stated Mandy! Blessings to you!

Tara said...

Great post. I think we all feel offended at times in our life. When I do, I am going to remember this post.

Nicole said...

Beautiful.

Valeria said...

True

Nikki said...

Ugh I'm sorry. I hate when that happens and when you mull over it and that other person probably has no idea and moves on and you're left with a new wrinkle.

It's hard not to have feelings about it, but that's a great message I'm going to try to carry it with me. That stuff bugs the heck out of me. I still think about things that happened years ago.

Branson @ Reflection of Something said...

Thanks for sharing this, Mandy! Good stuff, and great attitude to have. :)

Ashley Sisk said...

I needed that - thanks for sharing.

Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

That's never a great feeling. I'm sorry you feel judged... especially because I don't think you judge anyone! Your choices make you who you are, and I like you. :D

Tiffany said...

this is really great! thanks for sharing!

Jess said...

Wonderful! Thanks for sharing.

EverEverAfter said...

Couldn't agree more!!

Casey Martinez said...

I love how you wrapped this up with with the message of truth. Jesus. If we know him we should choose not to take offense because he covers a multitude of our wrongs so we need to try and overlook others but oye....this is soooo hard. I don't get offended easily but, I find that when someone I know really well doesn't understand something I am trying to explain and they make a false assumption it is irritating...arg. I love what you have shared here. God bless you for sharing your heart today!

Sara said...

I'm working on this as well. One of my favorite quotes is "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." Kinda goes along the same lines. It's just hard to practice sometimes...

uwmomma said...

Thanks for sharing this, Mandy!
It's so very true, and sometimes we all need to be reminded of this!

Kari said...

So True...the worst is that I find myself being the "judger" sometimes and really have to pull myself out of that rutt. Thank you for the awakening. XOXO

Angel said...

After a day like I've had, I needed to read this! I almost want to print it out, decorate it & hang it somewhere I will see everyday =) I think I may!

Tiffany said...

I love this Mandy and Know how that feels I put a few posts explaining being hurt in the past and even now. I need and trying to learn I can't change others no matter how hurt it hurts me!

Karly said...

Great post, I love it. I've always had a hard time getting over those instances where I feel like I've been slighted. Sometimes it even turns me into a vengeful person, and I don't like that Me at all! So I will have to remember this when I start getting angry.

Patricia Lee Christensen said...

Excellent post, Mandy. Not only have you gained insight but also shared it with us. Worst thing about those negative feelings is it cuts us off from the spirit & divine influence we would otherwise have...

adriel, from the mommyhood memos said...

So true Mandy! I hope that you'll have the grace to walk this truth out. No doubt you CAN! xx

AmyLee said...

elder bednar is a STUD. ahahhahaha. no, seriously, this talk was amazing & stuck with me too. i try to remind myself constantly that the effect people have on me is totally up to ME... not the way they are. if that makes sense? so now i just try to assume the best in everyone & pretend they always have my best interests at heart... haha. easier said than done.

Katie Lady said...

Thanks for sharing this. I have felt a little offended recently lately as well, so that quote was perfect for me too. :)

Love, Chelsea said...

Wise words. I have found myself doing this recently, not just in situations where I feel offended or misunderstood, but also in situations where I feel frustrated or upset. I have decided to choose calm and happy and go from there. It is much easier to make decisions and make change happen with a clear head!

Tara said...

Love this!!

Ashley said...

Mandy you are so sweet, how can someone say anything less than nice to you? :) This is a great reminder article and post!