18 October 2011

Be still, my soul

Lately, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Up & down & up and down. One day I'm sad and have a hard time accepting things, the next day I'm hopeful and optimistic. There has just been so much loss around me, I can't help but feel very emotional.

Recently I posted about the loss of my sisters twin babies. But what I didn't tell you is that a few days prior to that, I got a call from my one of my closest friends. She called to tell me that her baby no longer had a heartbeat at 10 weeks gestation. My heart just sank, I couldn't believe it. I literally cried all night thinking about the pain she must be in. A few days later, I got the call from my Mom, that my beautiful sister was in the hospital at 20 weeks,  and was going to have to deliver her babies due to a placental abruption. They were just too little to survive.

I don't normally talk about deeply personal things, especially if they are other people's tragedies but recently I've just felt so helpless. And useless. I know there there is absolutely nothing I can say or do to make either my sister, or my best friends' pain go away. My heart literally aches for the losses of these 3 babies. For the loss of any baby.

In times of tragedy, where do you find solace? We all find it differently, and let me tell you, it's difficult to find any kind of comfort in times like this. But... even through the heartache, disbelief, and overall unfairness of it all... I still have hope. I still believe that there is a greater plan for us. Not so comforting to hear that though, is it? To those suffering a loss, it will never make sense why bad things happen to good people. But I know, that we will see the purpose, even if only in the next life. And this song reminds me of that. It always give me hope. And I'm sharing it with you, hoping that anyone who may be in need of comfort, can receive at least a little bit of peace from this hymn as well. The last verse is my favorite.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and bless├Ęd we shall meet at last.


alexis said...

Grief is so hard :( I've had to help parents through loss for 6 years and it never gets easier. I don't even know your sister, but it pains me to think about what she is going through. I don't even have any advice, because I have such a hard time with this myself. I hope you find your peace. I'll be thinking of you all.

[ker-AND-uh] said...

I'm so sorry you're emotions are all over the map lately. Dealing sometimes is so hard, especially when the events are so tragic like they have been for your friend and family. While I was reading I started singing a worship song we sing at church, "Let Faith Arise". I forget who sings it, but the chorus goes :

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge
You are my strength
As I pour out my heart these things I remember
You are faithful God, forever

I find it extremely comforting that Our Heavenly Father is there in times of trouble, just asking for our hearts to call out to Him. I pray for peace and restoration for your family and your friend.. And especially you.


Kara @ Just1Step said...

That's a beautiful hymn, Mandy. So sorry for your pain. Just keep leaning on the Lord and praying for those that are suffering around you - it's the best thing you can do.

nicole. said...


i needed to read this today.

Sarah @ This Crazy Blessed Life said...

Beautiful! I was just getting ready to comment that my hope lays in the Lord...that nothing on Earth can satisfy us. Only Him. I love that you shared this. And I just pray that this post touches those who need it.

Tiffany said...

just keep praying!! there's no handbook on this stuff. you are in my thoughts & prayers :) xo

Kiara Buechler said...


Your love, support, prayers, and you crying right along with me has been invaluable over the past few weeks. I am so grateful to have you as a friend. I've been on that rollercoaster with you, but I know things will get easier. I don't think the feeling of incompleteness will ever go away, but the deep pain will. Especially when more babies come into this world to help feel the void of the babies who left us too soon. So you take care of yourself, we can't wait to meet that next baby of yours next spring. And God willing, your sister and I will both be pregnant again by then!

Love you!

Sveta said...

The loss of anyone's baby is one of the things that makes me saddest. I ache for the mother, know how much she has longed to hold that precious little gift from God is her arms. Even though I'm not a mother, and I won't be for years...I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. I'm praying for you...and those who have lost children.

molly said...

I'm so sorry that your sister and your friend and you have to walk this path of grief. And you're right, it just doesn't seem fair at all.

Just know that everyone deals with grief differently and there is no right or wrong when it comes to how we grieve. It's very personal.

I hope you and your sister are able to find peace somehow.

- Jessi - said...

I'm so sorry for your sister and your friend. It saddens me to hear all this, especially when I just read about the gender of the twins. Just keep your chin up, things will get better. They always do <3

ADSchill said...

I know you and I were more than excited to be having our babies together...and unfortunately that won't happen now, but you will be an auntie too someday. We will have to keep trying and hope that we are more successful the next time around. The babies that were lost will never be forgotten.

Mama Monkey said...

My heart breaks for them :( What a tragedy!!!

Dawn said...

My heart breaks for your family and friend. I can only speak of the fear I had while Liam was sick. I chose to find comfort in poetry, mostly dr. Seuss, poetry that I could relate to but turn it into a positive. My favorite was

     “I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”

amy@agoodlife said...

the last verse gave me goosebumps... so fitting! i am sending lots of thoughts & prayers your way. i know this hurts in a bad way but everything will be ok! maybe not today, but eventually :)

the mom diggity said...

Oh how I wish I could hug your neck and just sit and be with you. It hurts my heart with what you've had to face.

I pray that you and your family are finding some peace.

Nikki said...

So much sadness lately. But these are strong, strong woman who are survivors. My heart aches for them but I know they will heal with time. I wish I could take some of the burden for them.

Becky said...

Sometimes writing it out is the best therapy. I love that hymn, too. Thanks so much for sharing & inspiring!

Ashley said...

Oh Mandy! I'm so so sorry about the loss of your sister's twins. I can't even imagine how you are all feeling. Love and hugs to you all.