03 December 2011

please, leave it at the door.

*this post was written last week. it's more of a journal that i just sat down and wrote because i needed to get these feelings out. i debated whether or not to post it but decided i should because i want to remember how i'm feeling about this.*

this is personal and hard for me to write, so please wipe off your feet and leave any judgements at the door before you proceed any further.

tonight, i did something hard. i gave our dog to a better home. i will not go into the specific reasons because there are many. but mainly, we just couldn't provide him the attention he needed. it may have been a failure on my part, the pet owner, but it remains true. i feel incredibly guilty for having given away a 'member of our family' as he was, but in the end - i truly feel he is better off.

now i know that a lot of people frown on my decision, and many have told me that you shouldn't "just get rid of animals" and "you made a commitment when you bought him". believe me, i know this. i feel that i have been judged harshly for my decision and it kind of hurts. just because you feel that you would never give your pet away, doesn't mean that it's not what's best for the animal. i assure you that i did not make this decision lightly. i have been thinking about it and debating over it for a very long time now. i've been selfish in the last year or so in keeping him *hoping* that things would just click better. i think i've realized that i am a 'pet person' and i am a 'kid person', but i am not a 'pet & a kid' kind of person. that is a hard truth to swallow.

anyway, i loved my chihuahua, Jeffrey. he brought me a lot of happiness and joy and i will miss him terribly. but i did what was best for my family, but most importantly - i did what i believe was best for my sweet dog. he deserves more love and attention than he would ever get here.

thanks for listening.

26 comments:

jess craig said...

DO NOT EVEN FEEL BAD! i gave all three of my cats and my dog to a new home after wyatt was born! too much! it was weird, i realized that i just didn't care for them like i did wyatt and they were being neglected like crazy. so i took my time and i found them all homes that i felt comfortable with. it sounded like you did the right thing... and trust me, after awhile you're going to be totally over it. i know that may sound harsh, but it's true. it's just a dog and bennett is your BABY! and you have one on the way. priorities man!

Jazmyn Alexandria said...

No judgement here but I thought I'd say that don't worry because taking care of a child and a pet at the same time is no easy task! Although in my eyes, I believe that even though you did indeed take on a commitment, but sometimes things just don't always work out and the truth is sometimes it's better to give your animal to a better home than not show it the affection and attention it deserves. Not saying you didn't just saying like in general if that makes sense, but I know what you're going through David and I had to get rid of our dogs towards the end of my pregnancy and it was an extremely hard decision but it was for the best!

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allieinsavannah said...

I'm so sorry! I think you made the right decision though, even though I can imagine how hard it was. I totally relate to being a "pet person" and a "kid person" but not a "pet and kid person". I loved our cat before Henry was born but now I find her more of a nuisance. I catch myself getting so mad at her for the dumbest reasons now that Henry is here. 

Kelly Hamilton said...

No judgement here. That is something I have thought about and struggled with for the last 20 months. We have two Jack Russells and I know they are not getting the attention they deserve since now my focus is on Carter. I could never just drop them off at a shelter, but if there was someone who was willing to take them in I don't think I would hesitate to provide them with a better home. It's a really tough pill to swallow but I agree- I am not a pet + kid person. People can say what they will, but until you've been there you have no idea! I think you made a great choice and I am sure Jeffery appreciates that.

Ashley said...

I completely understand your feelings.  When I got my cats a few years ago, they were most definitely babies.  I loved those little furballs like crazy.  And then Ryann was born, and now they drive me nuts.  I've gone back and forth about wanting to find them a different home, because they are not getting near the love they deserve at our house.  But I haven't gotten enough courage to do it yet.  And Ryann is really starting to love them... Pets + kids is definitely hard.

Angie M. said...

Totally understand! Imade a similar decision with our cat last year. It's a hard decision, but you have to do what is best for your family...and your pet.

Karly Gomez said...

No judgment here, we had to give away my dog, Peanut, almost two years ago, not because we were focused on our kids, but because Peanut just needed far more space than we lived in, and was a crazy barker.  When we left she would bark and howl, and living at an apartment complex did not bode well for such behavior, so we kept getting into trouble with the neighbors and management.  She's in a much better place now, living on an acreage in Deer Valley where she can run and play and gets lots of love.  I'm sad and happy at the same time...I miss my Peanut.

Amber said...

We are grappling with the same issue right now...oh what to do...it's surely not an easy decision.  My thinking is the same as yours, I just think our dog will be happier somewhere else.

samarah said...

totally not judging you! you do what you have to do! :)

Stephanie said...

Don't feel bad! You did make a commitment- to make sure the dog was well taken care of. That is exactly what you did. You didn't leave him at a shelter, you found him a good home! :)

laurenalb said...

what a hard thing to have to do I am so sorry! but I am glad you know you made the right choice. It seems like you did what was best for everyone and that can be a hard cross to bear sometimes. hugs girl!

Kelley said...

I'm so sorry, Mandy!  I know how much you love him and how hard that must have been.  Dogs can be challenging without kids, but potentially so much more with them.  My brother's dog has changed a lot in the last year since they had a new baby, so I completely understand.  Hope you can be at peace with your decision and are able to focus more love and attention on your babes (is that even possible?!?!  ha!  you do that so well already!).

A Shoe That Fits said...

How can anyone judge you for something that is so personal!!  We had to give our cats away after bubby was born because one of them refused to acknowledge him and the other thought his face made a good bed, but even if that hadn't happened they would've become very bitter, because we just didnt have the time for them with bubby! I still think of them every day but i know it was the right decision to make!

Lindsay said...

I loved my cat Dexter more than anything, but when Jacob came home, Dex got very jealous. He was also a biter and I got very tired of worrying that Jacob would be bitten. One day I just snapped and ended up taking him back to the shelter we got him from :( lucky for him my boss at work adopted him! Dexter truly is better off with his new family--they feed him home-cooked meals of chicken every night! I feel Dex acting out was his way of telling us he needed a new family--things have gone back to "normal" now. I was judged pretty harshly for taking Dex to the shelter, but I had to what was right for my family and couldn't live my life being miserable just so we could keep the cat. It's hard to give a pet away, but harder to live in a situation with so much stress and worry. Hugs to you, love Lindsay & Jacob.

Nani said...

I completely understand where your coming from. I had a dog that I loved. She was my first baby and we had so much love and fun together. A lot of things happened mostly her getting out and getting into trashcans. disappearing in the middle of the night and not eating so she could jump over out 6 foot fence. We had to give her up, I miss her everyday and it doesn't mean you love them any less. it just means they needed more than you I had just given birth and there was no way i could do both. i have two dogs now who just click. i can't forget her but I believe she is happier now. 

MamaMandolin said...

You're not the only one! My mom got a puppy a few years ago, a yellow lab. Those dogs are super high energy puppies and you have to have the right kind of time to train/play with them. Well, my mom works like 3 jobs and is also raising my triplet (and in high school) brothers and sister. Their dog was just super naughty because she didn't have the time to train her and it was just so rough on all of them. She had to give her away and they all felt super sad about it for awhile. It taught them a lot though.

A couple of years later my mom had the opportunity to adopt another dog, another yellow lab. We were all really skeptical of her for getting another dog and the same kind. But they'd learned from their mistakes with the first one. Their dog now, Gracie, is such a good dog. Mom took extra time to get some training for her so she wasn't so crazy as a puppy and my brothers and sister helped a lot. 

Anyways, I know my mom will always feel bad about the first experience but it was just what was best for everyone at the time. 

Courtney B said...

My best friend and her husband came to this same conclusion after they had their first baby and even though it was hard for them, they felt so good about it. They know their dog is with a family full of children that are old enough to take care of, love, and play with their dog. And the have no more guilt that they aren't paying enough attention to their dog. So don't worry Mandy, if it felt right, then it was the best decision you could've made for you dog!

Lindsijo said...

You gotta do what you gotta do! End of story! :)

April9425 said...

I completely understand!  We have a yellow lab and a 22 month old and like you, I am a dog and baby person, just not together.  Our lab sheds so incredibly much and I just cannot keep up with the amount of every day cleaning it takes to keep our house clean.  Plus, my husband is currently deployed and it is just a lot of work.  Luckily my in laws have taken her while my husband is gone, but I am not sure what is going to happen once he gets back.  I love dogs but with children it is an incredible amount of work.  You made the right decision for you and you are not alone!

Andrea said...

We did the exact same thing - twice!  We had a pom and a chihuahua before the boys came along.  When Michael was about one we had to find a new home for the chihuahua because she just was not happy being in a family with a toddler!  It was the best thing.  Then this last spring we found a new home for our pom, just to live with my Grandpa (because he needed the companionship and I needed to know I could put G down for naps with out being awoken by BARKING).  Anyway - our pom, Joey, has become a NEW DOG with my Grandpa.  Never ever barks and even his awful breath is gone.  We think he was having horrible anxiety that was upsetting his stomach....  
All that to say - you're not alone and it really is the best thing for Jeffrey!  

Secret mom thoughts said...

It is a tough decision.  You made the right decision for your dog.

Joni said...

one of the hardest things i have ever done was give away our yorkie to a new home right before my youngest daughter was born. we had just moved, he was old and he couldn't always control his bowels. i just couldn't stand the thought of my new baby crawling on a floor that had been...you get the idea. my parents had two dogs bred just to give me this dog, i watched the little guy be born, i was there when he broke his leg at 12 weeks old, and he was a part of our family for 13 years. he was like my little brother because we grew up together and i miss him like crazy every day. it was a very hard decision but i know i made the right decision for him.

Nichole Thomason said...

we did the same thing after I had Jackson. We had 2 wonderful labs. One whom we have had for 5 years and the other only 1. The one year old was SUPER active. He was an amazing dog. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him. WE just could not give him the care he needed. He needed to go running at least once a day and play, play and play some more!! Really it was selfish of us to keep him, I think. I brought home a 4lb preemie who I needed to give my 100% attention during the day and I just could not keep up with the rambunctiousness of a puppy. Anyway we ended up contacting our local Lab Rescue who were able to find him a home who could give him what he needed. You are not alone. It is a hard thing to do. We still have the other dog, she is MUCH more chill and can handle if we don't walk her a for a couple of days. Anyway I am sure he is in a place where he can get what he needs now. Don't fret, you did the right thing. ;)

Carly Saade said...

Oh sad Mandy! That must have been so very hard. I wonder sometimes about the level of care I will be able to give my fur babies once I decide to have kids of my own. I hope, hope, hope I don't have to make that choice. Sometimes what is best for a pet is not the easiest choice, and I know you didn't make it lightly. Sorry sweetie :(

Chelsea @The Curly Cues said...

Mandy, I am just reading this now. I am so sorry you had to give Jeffrey to another family, but I am sure he will be very happy and you can always cherish the time you had with him.

Ashley Vos said...

Mandy I know this is an old post but I wanted to share, we gave away our two cats when I was pregnant. They went to a loving & forever home with a coworker of mine. Our dog, sadly, just wasn't nice to them, and once I was pregnant they just weren't getting the love & attention they needed. It was a ridiculously hard decision and I cried for almost 2 days, almost nonstop over it. No judgement here. So glad Jeffrey got a new home :)