25 January 2012

This baby exists.

{WHAT!? 2 posts in one day? that never happens. i was in the middle of writing this when i took a break to read some blogs and saw chelsea's post on this exact same topic. so... it lit a fire under me to finish writing and get it all out there}
 ................
I always wondered what it would be like to be pregnant for a 2nd time. Would it be easier? Harder? How would people react to it? Would this baby be welcomed into the same kind of excitement as Bennett was?

I have had a lot of guilty feelings the last few months and I need to just get this all out there.

When I was pregnant with Bennett, I was over the moon excited. Like, the anticipation of this new little life growing inside of me was overwhelming. What would he look like? What personality traits would he inherit from me & from his Father? People were always asking about me and how I was doing. Asking how the baby was doing. Wanting to see pictures and hear stories of my OB appointments. I was constantly buying cute little baby things and getting gifts for my little boy - all throughout my pregnancy. Christmas 2009, there were more presents under the tree for my unborn child than for me. Ha ha. I loved it.

This time? This baby? Nothing like that. Not in the slightest. Very few people ask about this child. No one asks how I'm doing or feeling. I'm not having a shower this time around, which is totally fine. But where is the celebration then??

The truth is that I feel so ridiculously guilty for being kind of oblivious to this pregnancy. Yah sure every 3-4 weeks I will check in with some updates or whatever. But it's just not the same. I'm 29 weeks pregnant and I JUST finally bought a little newborn outfit for Baby Fitz to come home in. Beyond that, he's gotten absolutely nothing from anyone (including me)... with the exception of my amazing sister-in-law, who was the only one to remember him on Christmas. I didn't even get him anything for Christmas.

Gosh I should like I'm throwing myself a pity party but I'm not. The real pity party is going to my little baby that seems to have been lost in the scramble of the home buying process & the move & the holidays & and the family tragedy... etc. And as all of that is understandably going to distract me.
I want him to be just as recognized as Bennett was. He needs that. He DESERVES that. He is important to me and I just don't like the fact that this pregnancy is going by so fast that I've hardly had any time to really celebrate him.

I need to do a better job at acknowledging him and talking about him more. Because let it be known that I am so excited for this baby. I am just as excited as I was with Bennett... only I'm a lot more reserved about it. Mainly because yes I'm busy with life and a crazy 2 y/o, but also, I feel like people don't care as much or don't wanna hear me babble on about baby names or my fear of going through labor again. But all of that stuff is on my mind, it really is.

This post is to acknowledge my love for my 2nd little boy. And to make a promise that I am just as eager to welcome him into this world as I was with his older brother.

So get ready for more baby related posts because this little guy exists and he's going to know how much we love him and are excited to meet him!!

58 comments:

Lauren Vaughan said...

i dont have kids, but i've been a nanny for over 6 years and i think every baby is important. feel free to gush about nurseries, baby names, and whatever else you feel like on here. and belly pics are always cute!! :) 

Kristal said...

I just had my second 4 months ago and I was feeling the exact same way as you. One thing I did to celebrate our new life was hold a meet and greet after she was born. I didn't get a second shower (which I was fine with since I already had everything), but I felt like the excitement was lacking for her. She was already experiencing the 2nd child syndrome and she wasn't even born yet.

The meet and greet was great! Everyone loved on her and some people brought a few small gifts for fun. And once she was here I actually felt like I was neglecting my 1st born, because I suddenly had a newborn attached to me 24/7. But 4 months later, having two of them has been amazing. Life has adjusted and I feel confident that both get the same amount of love from everyone in their life. :)

theplanetpink said...

Oh how I hear you.  As you know, I have four little girls.  By the time I was pregnant with my fourth, I REALLY struggled with feeling as though she wasn't somehow being as celebrated, simply because she was yet another girl.  My dear friend threw me a sip n see in lieu of a shower, 3 weeks following her birth.  And oh how that was so good for my mama soul.  EVERY baby deserves to be celebrated.  Another thought, as a childbirth educator, I really encourage you to consider taking a class, even if you took one the first time around.  And this is the reason:  My last class series I had a couple who was pregnant with their 2nd boy.  She told me how, like you, she'd been so distracted with their toddler she hadn't really had a chance to focus on this new baby.  She really grew to love those 2.5 hours every Monday night where we would meet and she and her husband would have a chance to devote that time solely to their babe to be.  Tragically, her pregnancy ended in a still birth, and when she wrote me following her delivery, she cited those class times as precious memories with her unborn son that she will cherish forever.

megfrost said...

Hi, I love this post, it's beautiful and straight from the heart. I've only got the one (so far) but completely relate to this post, of course pregnancy the 2nd time round is going to be different, but as long as you and his Daddy love him as much as the 1st, that makes the baby just as special and hopefully lucky too, 2nd time round you'll know so much more then the 1st time xx

Tara Ourjourney said...

Oh my. I had a post & posting another SO similar to this. I feel same way.  

Beth Hardinger said...

When I was pregnant with my second girl (who is 2 now) my sister told me, "I'm not going to love this one like Lauren (my oldest)". And she hasn't. We had to set a rule where if she wanted to have Lauren for the weekend, she would take Avery too. She has rarely done that since Avery was born. Avery gets hand me downs, clothes that are way too big (because she will 'grow into them someday') she gets treated differently by my whole family.

My husband and I decided before she was born that we would buy her something new, make her birthday special, and just spend one on one time with her, since no one else does.

For two years now, it has worked that way.

This boy will be just as loved as Bennett, and deserves it just as much. If family/friends can't see it/don't do it, you and your husband will. And Bennett will be a great helper and big brother!

Chelsea @The Curly Cues said...

I love this, so funny we decided to post about it at the same time :) This baby exists too! He/She also got nothing for Christmas and last time Lily got the most presents and wasn't even born yet! Haha. I know it isn't intentional by anyone, including us as the moms, there is just a lot more going on this time around. Maybe we also know that pregnancy is fleeting and then the REAL stuff begins. Just so you know, I would love to talk about Fitz anytime as well as baby names and how scary it is to head toward labor for a second time. I even had a good experience the first time, but still...yikes!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thank you!! I am probably, definitely going to start talking more about this little one.. so get ready ;-)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

That is a great idea!!! I hadn't even thought about doing something like a 'meet & greet'! I will have to plan something like that!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Oh yes, I can imagine that if I were to be pregnant with a 4th boy sometime down the line... I would be struggling even more than I am now to make sure that the baby was celebrated!! And I love the idea that you had a celebration following her birth! What a wonderful thing to do!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

That is a great idea!!! I hadn't even thought about doing something like a 'meet & greet'! I will have to plan something like that!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

It has been on my mind for months but for some reason I'm just now posting it. Glad I did though!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

That is awesome that you have made those plans for your 2nd, and have stuck with them. I know I'm already guilty of "oh i don't need to buy anything - he can just have all of bennett's old stuff" - and to a degree that is totally fine. It's one of the benefits of having another boy. But at the same time, this baby is just as special and deserves some things of his own to honor is own unique existence!

Ashley said...

Feel free to gush about baby things and such on the blog all you want.  Coming from someone who doesn't know you or your family IRL, this pregnancy is just as fun to hear about as Bennett and all the other fun and crazy happenings in your life.

And I would definitely think about doing some sort of party after he is born.  I think you'll enjoy it, and even if you ask for no gifts or something, if that is something you want to do, you can still get together with family and friends and celebrate your new little one.  Every new life deserves a little celebration, right?

I'm hoping in lieu of a shower the second time around (whenever that may be), we can do some sort of gender reveal party to celebrate baby #2.  But I suppose you're past that point :).  I hope the rest of the pregnancy is happy, healthy and filled with joy.

MamaMandolin said...

I often feel things would be like that if we had another. Twins for a first pregnancy was super exciting. I feel like another one would just not be as great. That sounds horrible but I feel it! I want to hear all about new baby brother, basically because since hubs won't agree to another baby I have to live vicariously through my pregnant blogger friends. 

Bring on the baby posts!

luisa rodriguez said...

i don't have any kids yet and i can't wait to have some little people running around the house!

don't feel bad about not being as excited as you were last time - i haven't been there (that's for sure), but it seems nothing but normal to me. i mean, it must say sometimes people seem too be a little too excited with their first pregnancies, buying more stuff than they can afford and rearranging their life as if their marriage didn't matter anymore because the baby is a lot more important...

i don't know how my husband and i are going to deal with it when the time comes; but i just hope i can be a good mom, regardless of the stuff we can afford to buy and all that. 

i'm sure you're a fantastic mom, mandy. don't be all worried about it, because a pregnancy is exciting and life changing, but it's also the most natural thing in the universe!

love your  blog :) you rock!

it must be (so)... liberating

luisa rodriguez said...

i don't have any kids yet and i can't wait to have some little people running around the house!

don't feel bad about not being as excited as you were last time - i haven't been there (that's for sure), but it seems nothing but normal to me. i mean, it must say sometimes people seem too be a little too excited with their first pregnancies, buying more stuff than they can afford and rearranging their life as if their marriage didn't matter anymore because the baby is a lot more important...

i don't know how my husband and i are going to deal with it when the time comes; but i just hope i can be a good mom, regardless of the stuff we can afford to buy and all that. 

i'm sure you're a fantastic mom, mandy. don't be all worried about it, because a pregnancy is exciting and life changing, but it's also the most natural thing in the universe!

love your  blog :) you rock!

it must be (so)... liberating

Michelle Kennedy said...

I felt the same when I was pregnant with #2. My daughter was the first Grandchild on my side of the family and everyone just loved her so much I thought that it would stay that way and no one would care about my little man when he arrived! He was the 9th grandchild on hubby's side of the family so babies were well and truly old news to them by that stage, lol. 
I didn't have a shower because my hubby and mum Mum thought it was inappropriate to have one the second time around which was fine, I totally understand that and I kind of agree, then my sisters in law said they wouldn't have that, that they'd throw me a shower anyway, got all my friends details and then...nothing! One of my sisters in law was also pregnant at the time and it kinda sucked having to sit through her shower while everyone ooh'd and ahh'd over her belly and she got SO MANY gifts, it was insane, and I was just there in the corner on my own trying not to throw up, lol (I had hyperemesis, yuck!)I had less visitors in the hospital too, I mean everyone still came and saw him and bought him gifts etc after we got home, but sharing a room with other Mums who had tonnes of visitors and flowers was a bit sad haha!My little man is two now and everyone loves him just as much as our daughter, no one plays favourites thank goodness! 

I'm looking forward to hearing about your little man's arrival, not long to go now!!

Angie M. said...

LOVED this post!!!  I still LOVE your pregnancy posts and ultrasound pictures...probably just as much as I loved seeing Bennett's!  It's such an exciting time!  Enjoy every second...especially now that the morning sickness is over...lol!

Lovesoflife said...

Pregnant with baby #2 here (just 12/13 weeks) and I already feel this way. I just don't feel like I have time to be as excited. Even though I am. It's weird. It's just different. But every baby deserves to be celebrated :)

laurenalb said...

I went through the same thing with my last pregnancy to a 2. Most of the time I wrote about him on my blog it was a stretch. It was the only time I was thinking about him and I made myself sit down and write it out. Its hard the second time around I think especially with the same gender for your second. Dont feel alone in this its normal. BUT I agree with finding time to celebrate this baby! You are on the right track, have a little "shower" or meet fitz party after hes born and that way people can meet him and you can celebrate his life :) You are doing a great job mama, hang in there! xoxo love you

laurenalb said...

I went through the same thing with my last pregnancy to a 2. Most of the time I wrote about him on my blog it was a stretch. It was the only time I was thinking about him and I made myself sit down and write it out. Its hard the second time around I think especially with the same gender for your second. Dont feel alone in this its normal. BUT I agree with finding time to celebrate this baby! You are on the right track, have a little "shower" or meet fitz party after hes born and that way people can meet him and you can celebrate his life :) You are doing a great job mama, hang in there! xoxo love you

Stephanie Clark said...

This is exactly why I decided last week to throw my younger sister a shower (just close friends and family) for her second baby. She had the first grandchild on both sides, so her 2 year old gets LOTS of attention. This time around it's a boy and since I have a 3 month old (my first) and there has been so much going on..I feel like until the past month or so I've forgotten she's pregnant. I did get him a Christmas gift though. We are all about celebrating(and shopping) in my family! He;ll be almost exactly 6 months younger than my son adn I hope they are best of friends.

Jamie said...

When I was pregnant with MY Bennett (who was our second little guy) we did something called a Labor Blessing. Not a shower, but I celebrated his arrival with a gathering of women who all gave me a bead a blessing for the labor (I was doing a home birth, so this was in support of that as well). I'm sure there's something that's not a shower that you could do. We almost did a baby barbecue for families (men, women and children allowed) with diapers being the only request. That way you don't register or look like you're necessarily asking for anything, but you may stock up on diapers! Anyway, I was right where you are and can say with certainty that you will be OVER THE MOON for your second and fall even more in love with Bennett watching him be a big brother. Keep those baby posts coming! We're all celebrating with you! 

Jessica Pugliese said...

I thought about this the other day. My sister is on her third and it, for some reason, seems so overlooked by everyone. But why... isn't this child just as important and wanted?! I don't know why but it seems to happen to almost everyone. So don't feel alone on it. I still want to throw my sister a little shower even though she has a boy and a girl and isn't even finding out this time. It's not about the gifts, but celebrating this baby's life just as we've celebrated the others. 

Christy said...

I guess I'm really blessed, I'm pregnant with our 6th and every pregnant get asked how I'm feeling, how the pregnancy is going, etc. This is actually my easiest pregnancy and the fact that I wasn't sick or overwhelmingly nauseated has been a huge blessing. I've never bought the baby I'm pregnant with a Christmas gift, since they're not here yet.  My bible study ladies always bless ladies with meals for a week once you have the baby or a snack basket. It's a huge blessing and I've become vocal in letting friends who offer a meal what I'd like, if they ask!

Christy said...

Should have said every pregnancy, not pregnant! LOL I do admit to pregnancy brain!! :)

Heather Sweet said...

I think these feeling are totally normal and that most 'second time around mommas' go through it. I don't know you very well, but from what I have seen, and read, you are a great momma and this little man is going to be just as blessed as your first. Things are definitely different the 2nd time around. You've done this -- you know what to expect -- and let's face it, it's exciting but it certainly isn't as exciting as the first! I can't wait to see all the new pictures you'll have to post. :)

Summer Crosbie said...

Get all out there girl! I felt the same way with Parker's pregnancy. No one even offered to throw me a baby shower. I didn't exactly need much since I was having another boy but to feel loved and honored, as well as the baby, is something that everyone deserves.  I even made sure to throw my friend a baby shower that was having her 2nd when I found out her be sties weren't doing it.   I really tried harder to enjoy the pregnancy more even though I was more sick because it was most likely my last time being pregnant.  Yes it went by a lot faster and I din't have as much anxiety about it but I honestly miss it.  I loved caring the baby with me everywhere. :) I wanted to let you know when you share your preggo pics, they are absolutely beautiful.  You are definitely a proud and glowing mama!

Lea said...

Oh, what a sweet, sweet post Mandy.  I, for one, have never thought for one minute that you were negleting baby Fitz.  I think all Moms can certainly identify with you.  Blessings sweet girl!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

You're definitely right. Being that it's the same gender, I think that has a lot to do with it!! And I love the idea of having a little party after he's born. I just want him to get all the same love and attention as Bennett did!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

That's so awesome to throw your sister a shower!! I'm sure she will appreciate it so much!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

The labor blessing sounds wonderful :) Thank you for celebrating with me and following along this journey with us... means a lot!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

2nd, 3rd, 4th pregnancy's are definitely a bit overlooked. And it isn't really the baby shower and gifts that I miss. It's the thoughtful questions and excitement from people. And my own excitement needs to shine through more, too!!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Wow! That is so great! I'm glad this pregnancy is going well for you!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Summer!! I don't really need a baby shower or presents or anything! I jsut want this baby to be talked about more, and appreciated. He deserves just as much love and attention as Bennett had, ya know? And most of it is my fault for not doing a better job of being outwardly excited about things!! Life just kinda got the best of me!

Alissa said...

I love baby Fitz. I know I will love him just as much as I do Bennett. I think it's normal for the consecutive children to be less celebrated, not that it should happen. You should talk about Fitz and prepare for his arrival. I know I am doing mental preparations of my own to make sure I give that little guy all the attention he deserves. This time for us both should have been very different, but since we can't change my situation, we must do what we can to adjust. No matter what feelings I (we) encounter, baby Fitz will have a loving home and adoring family.

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Congrats on baby #2!! And you're right... time flies with the 2nd and you sorta lose track of it. It's to be expected. Just glad I realized it now, so that I can really get excited and make sure that this baby is just as joyfully anticipated as my first!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thank you, Angie!! That means a lot! :)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Oh I'll bring em! :) Thanks girl!

Molly said...

Believe me, I felt the same way. So much so that I was diagnosed with antenatal depression and had to take medication! It was pretty awful. But by the third trimester I was feeling better and eagerly anticipating his arrival.

The second time around you don't have much time to wonder about who this little person will be. But let me just say - it will rock your world just as much as the first baby did :)

molly said...

Believe me, I felt the same way. So much so that I was diagnosed with antenatal depression and had to take medication! It was pretty awful. But by the third trimester I was feeling better and eagerly anticipating his arrival.

The second time around you don't have much time to wonder about who this little person will be. But let me just say - it will rock your world just as much as the first baby did :)

Elle said...

I thank you for writing about expecting your second baby. I also look forward to hearing what life with a second baby is like. I have a 3 month old but I want my baby's to be close in age so trying again is always on my mind. Why is it then that I'm terrified about how people may react (negatively) when I announce my second pregnancy? Why do I feel selfish about wanting to give my daughter a sibling? Thank you again for writing about this!!!

Elle said...

I thank you for writing about expecting your second baby. I also look forward to hearing what life with a second baby is like. I have a 3 month old but I want my baby's to be close in age so trying again is always on my mind. Why is it then that I'm terrified about how people may react (negatively) when I announce my second pregnancy? Why do I feel selfish about wanting to give my daughter a sibling? Thank you again for writing about this!!!

Elle said...

I thank you for writing about expecting your second baby. I also look forward to hearing what life with a second baby is like. I have a 3 month old but I want my baby's to be close in age so trying again is always on my mind. Why is it then that I'm terrified about how people may react (negatively) when I announce my second pregnancy? Why do I feel selfish about wanting to give my daughter a sibling? Thank you again for writing about this!!!

Olivia said...

I think this is totally normal, especially with all the big life changes you are going through!!  The most important thing: you are reflecting in this post and wearing this little boy on your heart.  With our second, I was so busy taking care of the first, working, etc.  But once she got here, wow.  I don't think we've stopped celebrating since!

Lisaalexander8302 said...

I was the exact same way with my 2nd (also two boys), I think its normal!

Sara said...

I just started reading your blog, and this is my first time commenting, but it hits home! I'm currently due with my second daughter in a few days, and for this pregnancy - hardly anybody has noticed. The pregnancy did come as a surprise, and was swallowed up by a cross-state move, our own family tragedy, and life with a almost-two-year old, but I was completely surprised by the ambivalence of many of my family and friends (including my in-laws, who were beyond excited for the first!) 

Karly Gomez said...

Yes, yes yes! You do whatever you want for your new baby! I feel guilty all the time about Laney and Vivi because I don't record as many things about them as I did Afton when she first joined the world. In fact, Vivi is eight months old now, and I don't even have a baby book for her. FAIL. I've actually cried about that, which makes me feel even worse. So you celebrate baby Fitz (I keep wanting to say Fritz, because that's what we call Grandpa) and do whatever makes you feel happy. I will cheer you on all the way!

Karly Gomez said...

Yes, yes yes! You do whatever you want for your new baby! I feel guilty all the time about Laney and Vivi because I don't record as many things about them as I did Afton when she first joined the world. In fact, Vivi is eight months old now, and I don't even have a baby book for her. FAIL. I've actually cried about that, which makes me feel even worse. So you celebrate baby Fitz (I keep wanting to say Fritz, because that's what we call Grandpa) and do whatever makes you feel happy. I will cheer you on all the way!

Karly Gomez said...

Yes, yes yes! You do whatever you want for your new baby! I feel guilty all the time about Laney and Vivi because I don't record as many things about them as I did Afton when she first joined the world. In fact, Vivi is eight months old now, and I don't even have a baby book for her. FAIL. I've actually cried about that, which makes me feel even worse. So you celebrate baby Fitz (I keep wanting to say Fritz, because that's what we call Grandpa) and do whatever makes you feel happy. I will cheer you on all the way!

Kiara Buechler said...

Oh my goodness, I feel terrible, I feel like I have been asking you have you are feeling, but I guess I haven't!  I am so sorry!  I will definitely make more of an effort, because I really do care!  And lady, you talk as much as you want about your fear of labor, because I think we can all empathize with those feelings.  I already love Baby Fitz, even if I don't talk about him (I mean, hello, I painted his name in his closet for him!!!)  Can't wait to meet him in a few short months.!

Kiara Buechler said...

Oh my goodness, I feel terrible, I feel like I have been asking you have you are feeling, but I guess I haven't!  I am so sorry!  I will definitely make more of an effort, because I really do care!  And lady, you talk as much as you want about your fear of labor, because I think we can all empathize with those feelings.  I already love Baby Fitz, even if I don't talk about him (I mean, hello, I painted his name in his closet for him!!!)  Can't wait to meet him in a few short months.!

Alicia said...

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one having those sorts of thoughts about baby #2. (I think we are actually due within a few days of each other.) I am totally aware of the little one in my belly and I feel the kicks and movements, but even my husband and I don't talk about this new baby very often in comparison to our first son. It's different for sure. But no less exciting. Thanks for reminding me that I need to be more intentional about celebrating this second little addition to our family.

Heather Kale said...

I think it was great to post this! I look forward to reading all about baby Fitz!!!

Heather Kale said...

I think it was great to post this! I look forward to reading all about baby Fitz!!!

Sarah Halstead said...

I really understand where you are coming from. The same thing happened with Carsyn. It is sad but I guess the way it works. 

Autumn Baughn said...

I am 28 weeks with our second girl and in exactly the same space... I think of her and then think " better to save the money till later" or " she can just wear her sisters" We don't even really have a nursery for this girl... just a cleared out closet space in our room to fit a bassinet. Each time I head to the store and see the cute tiny newborn clothes I get distracted by the sweet bright toddler stuff and just end up getting something for her sister... no help or advice, just commiseration.