30 January 2012

Two boys. And why I want them.

I really common question that I got when I announced we were pregnant is: "Oh are you hoping for a little girl??"

And since finding out I was having another boy: "Oh are you happy about that?"

Of course, I totally understand why people might ask those questions. I think it's pretty common for people to assume that if you already have a boy, you will want a girl next. And vise versa.

So here is my response to those popular questions.

Since Bennett, I have always wanted another boy. Like BADLY. Of course, I would have been thrilled if we were having a girl, but the truth is, in my gut- I always knew I was meant to have at least 2 boys. So I wasn't surprised at all when it was confirmed at my U/S a couple of months ago that I was in fact carrying my 2nd little man.

So to put it very simply, of course we are happy about having another son. I'm absolutely ecstatic about it. I mean, I look at Mom's like Summer, Sarah, Adriel, Lauren, Mandey (all mom's of 2 boys)... they make me SO excited for Bennett to have a brother. Bennett is so full of life & energy I really think that it will be good for him to have a little brother to play with and be crazy with. He definitely needs a little companion.

Here's another thought. A deeper, more personal thought.

I truly believe that the world is deprived of great guys. That's not to say there aren't a lot of them out there- I mean come on, I married one! ;-) BUT I feel there are so many men out there that aren't respectful at all of women. My Dad, being one of them. I don't think that I have ever talked about him on this blog before- mainly because his entire life and existence has been very depressing. He's just not a good person. I'm not going to get into specifics right now, just trust me on this.

So with that said, I think that part of the reason that I really wanted boys, was to do my part to raise sons with good morals & values, ambition & work ethic, honor & humility. But most importantly, I want to raise my boys to respect women and treat them well. And to honor the institute of family. I kinda feel that if I can accomplish that, it will *sort of* make up for the absolute let down that my Dad is. I know nothing will ever right the wrongs that have been done by my Dad, but I think it sort of makes it better (for me at least) knowing that I am trying to raise boys that will become wonderful Husbands themselves one day. And Fathers.

I know this all might sound weird, but it's really important to me. And I realize what a huge task this is. Nature vs. nurture, right?? We'll see. But I will, to the best of my ability, instill in my boys the importance of being humble, gracious, and appreciative. I will try to lead them down a path of righteousness, so that they can be good examples & hopefully inspire others.

So ladies that have little girls.... just know that there are Mama's out there with little boys, that truly want to shape them into the kind of man worthy of your girls one day. :)

{this is an old picture, but i just love it - and i felt like this post needed a photo}


91 comments:

Sweetgreentangerine said...

Wow. Get out of my head! lol  I have always said the same thing, even before I had kids.  Girls would be fun, but I knew if I could raise at least one good man, I was contributing something amazing to society.  And I love that last part.  I'm so not that blogger that says "come check out my blog" but I wrote a similar post last year about raising boys called Why I read Cinderella to my Son. you might like it.  Anyway, I'm very happy for you that you're getting your 2nd boy.  That mommy/son bond is seriously the best.
http://sweet-green-tangerine.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-i-read-cinderella-to-my-son.html

C.Lee said...

Mandy, I could not agree more! I am so happy for you! My dad and my brothers are all men that you speak of. They are men who have characteristics and manners that are not easily found now days. Honestly, I feel like that is why my dad was put in the calling he was in our church, to help mold all the young men. He did such a fabulous job with the three he had it is telling of who he is as well. Good on ya! You are an adorable mother and I absolutely adore reading your blog! Such an uplifting and inspiring message! Love ya girl!!!

Lindsay said...

Great post!  Coming from someone who always wanted a little girl and got a little boy, I couldn't be more thrilled now raising a boy!  I can't even imagine raising a girl now.  If we ever are blessed to have another I actually want another little boy for a lot of the same reasons you posted.  Boys are so fun and it makes me happy reading your blog about raising your little Bennett :)

rjandjessie said...

Great post!

Courtney B said...

LOVED reading this! You are such a great mama! And now it makes me really excited about having kids one day, specifically boys, and raise them to try to be as good as my hubs is!

theplanetpink said...

Someday, 4 men are going to come into my life through my princesses, and I hope and pray that they had mamas like you.  <3

Shannon Linser said...

I love this! I'd like 4 kids, ideally, but if I can choose, I'd like 3 of them to be boys. We're praying we can raise a good one, too.

MamaMandolin said...

Oh man you got it right. My hubby and his brother are REALLY good guys. Like, my in-laws raised some pretty awesome kids. From what I understand they really didn't even get into trouble when they were younger.  Another part of raising good men is them having a good male role model in their lives. As they get older, they'll always want to please their mom but will look to their dad for those big things (that's how my husband is anyways). 

We just have to remember that no matter what we do, and no matter how good of people we raise them to be, they'll still make their own decisions when they're grown. We all stumble. We all make dumb choices. But that doesn't mean you didn't do an amazing job of raising them. Just remember that some day :)

Nikki said...

Aww, I love this post.  I got all teary ;)  Thanks for opening up, and I can tell you'll definitely succeed.  Bennett seems like such the lover already and has a great example of a Husband and Father.  You're a lucky gal!

libbyuglesich said...

I love this post! I am not pregnant {yet ;)} but when we do I am so hoping for another boy! I love having a son he is just the greatest thing and I have always felt that I should be a momma to boys. They always seemed to gravitate to me more than girls when I was babysitting & in their classrooms at the TA {I was going to be a teacher so I spent a lot of time in classrooms!} and the boys always liked me more than the girls. So I just always have known that I need to be a momma to boys and am so hoping that I get lucky enough to have another boy like you! :) 

JOYSLAUGHTER said...

This was a beautiful post!

Kiarabuechler said...

I love this!  Such a good way to go about parenting.  We are trying to raise Dane the same way, so his future mother-in-law will be grateful for the job we've done.

Emily @ PeckLife.com said...

I would be totally content with another boy at some point too. I can relate to this on many levels. :)

kk @ the mom diggity said...

This makes me SOOOOOOOOOO happy! I'm so obsessed with having girls and my heart is so happy to hear of mamas who are molding their little men into Godly young men who will chase after the hearts of precious girls. My precious girls, who I am every day working at giving them a fairy tale heart and letting them know that they should wait for their prince charming. Because he is out there somewhere. Somewhere an amazing boy mama is teaching her son how to serve and love unconditionally. So we better stay in touch for oh....another 20 years or so our kiddos can meet ;) Great job mama! Love ya!

Shondra Walker said...

I can relate to this post on so many levels.  I also have two boys. One is 2 years old and the other is 6 months old and I got all of those same questions.  I still get them actually.  "So are you praying that number 3 is a girl?"  Lol.  And I don't mind the questions, but I love having boys.  And I can relate with the dad thing.  My dad is not a good person either.  Not even close.  But seeing my boys being raised by a father who loves them dearly and is such a good example is such a fulfilling experience.  I don't even care if he is their favorite because I know what it feels like not to have a dad as a role model.  

All that to say...I understand.  :) 

Meghan said...

Aw, what a wonderful outlook on having boys. And you're so right about having the opportunity to raise great guys. I must remember this. I actually just posted today about how much I'm loving having 2 boys. I'd been a little scared about the craziness that will come of 2 boys, but whenever I see my oldest give the baby a kiss, I could seriously not care less!

WeeMason Man's Mom said...

I totally get that! One of the big reasons I was hoping Mason was a boy (and wanted to have a child in general, actually) was because I really wanted to create another person who really loved animals and reading, especially since that seems to be pretty hard to find these days with men.

Totally love this post :o)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

I'm a little scared of the craziness of two boys as well, but in the end - if I can raise to healthy, happy, respectful men... I will be one happy mama!! :)

dumb mom said...

Amen, sister!  As a full blown Dude Mom (I have three) I love all of the opportunities to learn about men that alluded me in my youth!  And, I love being able to teach them about how to treat a lady (although I've not been able to convince them yet that girls do NOT like being farted on!).  I am adding you to my Dude Mom Lifers list right now!  And, I plan to share your post on my blog an the next Dude Mom Monday (if you don't mind), it's really powerful!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Isn't it crazy how many people ask you if you want a girl next? Or if you wish you had a girl instead?? Like I said, I totally get that it's normal for people to want a boy and a girl.. or whatever. But I couldn't be more thrilled for the opportunity to raise two little boys (and maybe more in the future!). And you're so right about about the Father's being the favorite. I don't even care, because my hubs is a great guy so I hope that Bennett looks to him for an example!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Umm... yes!!! My two boys would LOVE to meet Jessi and Zoey!! Seriously. They WILL meet. :)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Boys are the best. And I do think Sky would be a great older brother to a little brother :)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Kiara! I have no doubt that Dane will grow up to be a wonderful boy, and then an even better man. With you and Chad as his parents - he's got it in the bag! :)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Joy!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

It's funny cause in high school/college years, I always thought I'd want girls and only girls. But after I got married... my perspective totally changed. Maybe it was a combination of my Dad, and some of the loser guys I dated... but I felt an obligation to raise good boys. So glad I have that chance, and I  hope I succeed!! As I am sure that you will :)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Nikki!! I am a lucky girl :)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Good for your in-laws!!! They must be so proud of their boys. And you're totally right about remembering that not matter what we do as parents - our kids will make their own decisions and they will also make mistakes. Doesn't always mean we didn't do our best! Thanks Mandey!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Shannon. 4 kids would be wonderful!!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Awe, thank you!!

Mindi said...

Such a great way to look at having boys.  I'm a boy mama myself with an almost three year old (how did that happen) and a 9 month old. I love watching them play together and hope they grow up to be best friends.  It is crazy how people ask you the most personal things (is there going to be a third? don't you want a girl?). Um, stop being so nosey!  I would like a girl to do girly things with but am happy with my boys too.  :) It's hard to imagine having a boy and a girl now that I have two boys. 

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Courtney! I am excited for you to have kids one day, too!! And I'm sure you will be a wonderful Mother!

Brooke said...

They are going to be great boys! I love your outlook on this just as Meghan said! My next child I definitely want a boy!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Aren't boys great?? Thank you for your sweet comment!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thank you so much!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Mindi!! I am so excited to watch my sons play together and I also hope my boys will grow up to be best friends! And you're so right - it's hard to imagine having girls now. Ha ha

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thank you Brooke! I hope you get your little boy. But if not- Your Little One will be a fabulous big sister to a little sissy!! xoxo

Heather Clark said...

Beautiful! I feel the same way about raising Jasper. Glad to know all those thoughts in my head aren't totally off the wall!! :) 

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Not off the wall at all!! I'm so happy to hear there are so many other Mom's out there that think like this!

melissa rohr said...

this is a totally great heartful post! in total honesty, what you write about here is EXACTLY why i am scared to death to have a boy (even though i want one so bad!) i feel like you put such a great spin on it though, and make me feel way more confident that i could have a boy and do the world a favor!
my ex husband is such a horrible person, and i always worried...what if my son grew up to be like that? i would feel like such a failure.

Mandy Stribling said...

What a FANTASTIC, FANTASTIC post :)

Kelly Hamilton said...

I love this. And I truly believe I was meant to have boys for the exact same reason. I hope I can raise my son to be a kind, loving, Christian man. Thankfully he has a great example in his daddy and grandpa. If we were to get pregnant again I would definitely love another boy so they can grow up to be best buds!

Mariamacmoreira said...

Some of my best memories as a child were moments I spent with my sister, I have a boy and that is why I want another boy I believe they will bound in a more profound way being the same gender. My sister is also my best friend!

Courtney Kirkland said...

I think your mentality on having boys is both honorable and purposeful. I have that same thought pattern...I hope that I can raise Noah to be all of the things that most men these days AREN'T: chivalrous, polite, hard-working...Raising our sons to be men of integrity is one of the most important things we, as moms, can do. Beautiful post!

Jess said...

Love this post!

Sara @ Seeing Purple Stars said...

loved reading this!! i feel the same way!! i am raising 2 boys who will be good husbands/daddys someday!! :)

casey said...

And I kinda would love to have another little girl so that my daughter has a sister and hoefully a best friend for life so I get asked that question a lot too:). I absolutely love what you said about wanting to raise up awesome sons because you are so right....this world needs more guys like that and my daughter will need a good hubby someday so thank you momma!!

Sarah Halstead said...

I love this so much. :) I LOVE having two boys. I am so glad Dustyn has a little brother. It is so good for him. I am hoping to raise them to be good husbands and dads. If you ever need to talk I am here. My dad wasn't the best either. I am sure your boys will make awesome fathers and husbands. 

StephLynn said...

I think that the same sex siblings are so much closer....I was hoping for a 2nd girl, and I got her this past Oct!!! My other daughter is 3.5....I always wanted a sister close to my age and now my daughters have that!!!

Andrea said...

What a wonderful thought, Mandy!  I was the same way about wanting another boy.  Now that Griffin is 2 and Michael is 5, they really talk to each other and Michael is Griffin's IDOL.  You will be an amazing double boy Mom :)  

Mama Monkey said...

Just a great blog post!  Good for you for raising GREAT boys who will turn into AMAZING men :)  We just had our 3rd girl in August and I was so tired of the "You must be hoping for a boy!" and "Is that a baby brother in there?".  I could hardly stand it!  For us, it was more we wanted to have another baby, boy OR girl :)

amy@agoodlife said...

i feel like i coulda written this post!  i completely agree.  with all of it.  so happy bennett is getting his little brother & you will be such an awesome mama to those boys!!

lucilleinthesky said...

I got chills while reading this post because I know exactly what you're talking about. There's that old attitude, "boys will be boys" and then they get away with everything and then they grow up to think they can get away with breaking hearts, treating others poorly, etc. I know because I encountered a whole lotta DUDS before I found my prince charming, so to speak. My cousin and I have been saying this since before we had kids: mothers need to teach their boys how to respect women. Now she has a little boy :) It makes me so happy that other women think the same way. And also, it really is a blessing to have 2 boys. You're a lucky woman! 

adriel @ the mommyhood memos said...

love it!! and i couldn't agree more. i've actually been writing about this very thing, but haven't edited it yet. :) i think it's so important that we raise MEN and not just boys. love your outlook. your boys are incredibly BLESSED to have you! x

Leah :: marital bless said...

It's been on my heart to write a similar post for quite awhile now, but I've been constrained by family reading my blog. I have a relationship with my Dad, but it's not great. He's the most selfish person I know. I purposely chose my husband as the father of my children, because I know he is incapable of ever reaching the depravity of my Dad. I CHOSE him as the father of my children, it's the best choice I ever made for my family. As the mother of two boys, to my bottom of my soul, I know where you are coming from with this post.

Ealferez3 said...

I respect u 100%. I geel the same about my 3 girls. I want to raise them up to be respectable and loving mothers and wives. There aren't very many woman left who know how to honor their husband and love their children.. and if I can help it, my girls will!

Andie Zimmerman said...

Amen, Sister!!  I have two boys and I wouldn't want it any other way.  But, somehow I keep getting pushed for a girl.  I have a ton of girls in my family, and I was always a tomboy growing up, so it made perfect sense for me.  I agree with you on the lack of good men out there these days.  Such a shame.  I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, though.

Andrea Becher said...

What a beautiful way of seeing the joy of raising boys.  Thank you from a mom of a little girl who is so worried about her future.  These boys are lucky to have you! 

The Housewife said...

Agree, sister!! I have two boys too and definitely want them to grow up and be fabulously respectful and kind husbands and fathers. It's such a privilege to raise boys. :) 

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Andrea! I can't wait to watch my two little guys grow up together! Hope they are as close as your boys!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Congrats on your 3 girls. That is so great!! Sisters are such a belessing, I've very close with mine!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Amy!! Parker will make an awesome older brother someday soon :)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

I definitely dated a lot of DUDS before my husband so I totally know what you're saying!! Thanks for your sweet comment! :)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Can't wait to read your post about this! So happy to hear that there are so many other Mama's out there really striving to raise their boys (and girls) up right!! I feel like there are so many lazy parents that just don't care enough. So I'm so comforted reading all of these amazing comments and following wonderful Mama's like you!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thank you! I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job with your girls! They are lucky!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Andie! I am always being asked if I want a girl. And like I said in the post, I would love a girl. But I couldn't be more excited that I'm having another boy. I'm excited for Bennett to have a little brother and to do my best to raise them right.

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thank you!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

It definitely is a privilege. One I hope I don't take for granted!! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read and comment!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

I'm sorry that you feel you need to be careful what you write because of family. I definitely know how that can go sometimes. And I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. It's hard to accept when your Father isn't a good and decent person. But if anything, it pushes me to want to do right by my children. And I'm so happy to hear that it has had that effect on you, too!! Thank you for your thoughtful comment!

Nichole Thomason said...

AMEN!!! As you know I am also pregnant with my 2nd boy...since we live parallel lives and all. Just kiddin! But I feel the same way. I wanted a boy so bad when I found out I was pregnant but of course I would have been happy with a girl too. I however have different reasoning, but quite honestly your reasoning is better! Good for you woman! Let's get some good men in the world!

Angie M. said...

2 boys is such a blessing...it's good to know there will be 2 more outstanding men in the world <3

Katie McKenzie said...

I just found your page today, and love your post. I just became a mommy to a sweet baby boy and feel so much like you do when I look at his sweet face. I just hope that he becomes that kind of man! Thanks for sharing!

Summer said...

Ohhh I love the picture. Beautiful.

Sarah said...

I love, love, LOVE this. This is my heart for my babies also :)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Yes, let's get some good men into this world!! Yay for boys! They are the best!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thanks Angie! I hope I can do a good job :) Kaylin needs a good hubby one day ;-)

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment! It's nice to meet you!

Amanda said...

Oh wow, I've got tears streaming down my face! I have a wonderful dad, but his dad was a terrible person.....not that I can relate at all with where you're coming from on this one, but I do see it. And to hear your perspective on it is really eye-opening! Sometimes being a mom is really fun and light-hearted (as it should be), and other times we really need to think about the huge responsibility we have as mothers. I think your boys are blessed to have a mom like you! And knowing that there are moms out there who truly care about the type of person they raise and the values and morals they want them to have.....well, that's really refreshing (and good for this girl-mama to know ;)

Michelle Kennedy said...

I love this post! I'm going to share it with all the Mama's I know with 2 boys :) I hope my little girl is lucky enough to meet a boy with a Mummy like you :)
I was always surprised when I was pregnant with my little man at how many people would tell me how lucky I was to be getting 'one of each' or 'a pigeon pair', like it would be so terrible to have two the same?! 

Amber said...

I really enjoyed this post and couldn't agree with you more.  I hope my Bennett has a brother one day, but if we have a little girl that will be great too.  

I am with you on the whole "our world is absent of great men" thing.  There are a lot of wonderful men and my husband is def. one of them, but I know so many that are jerks for lack of a better word.  I think my husband is such a wonderful father and will teach our son so much about being a man of strong character, integrity, and conviction that I hope we have another boy.

Selena Stoney said...

Funny the exact reasons you give for wanting boys is the same reasons I am terrified to have a boy. I also had a not so great deadbeat father. Luckily my husband is wonderful man and would be great with a boy but I am still terrified to have one.

Chelsea @The Curly Cues said...

As a mom of Bennett's possible future wife I say "thank you!"

mandy at asortafairytale said...

You're so right. Being a mom really is fun and awesome and silly. But there are so many women out there that don't take their role seriously as far as teaching their kids good values. I'm sooo happy to hear from all the mama's who agree with me on this and really strive to raise their kiddo's right!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Awe thanks!! I'm happy to tell you that there are lots of Mama's out there really trying to raise their boys right so hopefully your little girl will snag one of them up!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Totally!! It's super important to marry a good guy, after all, that is who our sons will look to for an example!!

mandy at asortafairytale said...

Ha ha. You're welcome! :)

molly said...

I love this post. I wanted another little boy too. In fact, if we ever have a third, I hope for a third boy ;)

Guest said...

Wow. I was expecting this to be another, "I need boys because they are so much more feisty and fun!" type of post.  Pleasantly surprised. I think that is an amazing goal that you have for your kids! I wish you the best in achieving it. 

Guest said...

Perhaps that should be "all the best." not "the best." :)

Becca said...

That is so sweet. I don't think it's weird at all to want boys so you and your husband can raise them to be wonderful, repsectful men. I think that's great! I honestly would love to have a bunch of boys one day...

Mayoralm said...

OMG I don't know if it is my hormones from being pregnant but what you said "So ladies that have little girls.... just know that there are Mama's out
there with little boys, that truly want to shape them into the kind of
man worthy of your girls one day. :)" just made me so teary eyed! Thank you for doing your part because some Mama's don't realize how important their role is in their sons' life. 

Deanna Fike said...

i was directed to this post from another blogger's post, and i really wanted to comment. :) i am a mama of two boys, 4.5 and 18 months. after having the first boy, i automatically knew if i had another child, i wanted it to be another boy. i hate it when people ask if i want a girl. why can't i be content with my two boys? i don't understand why people think that a family is not complete until they have a child of each sex. i LOVE being a mama of two boys. i LOVE watching them rough house and play together. i was meant to be a mother of two boys, and i don't need a baby girl to complete me. :) 

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