09 February 2012

On un-following.

::be prepared to hear these words a lot: blog, follow, subscribe::

I wrote a post a while back about the importance of putting self-portraits on our blogs, and how I felt that our blogs are truly a reflection of who we are, and by making them public - we are inviting people into our lives. {see that post here}

So with that in mind, the blogging community isn't much different than real life. There are people that you mesh with, people that you immediately click with, people you have things in common with. Or maybe you are just inspired by someones creativity. Therefore, you are interested in what they have to say so you will try to keep updated on their life. In blogger terms, you 'follow' them or 'subscribe' to their blog.

A lot of times I think we feel pressure to 'follow' or subscribe to someone's blog because they follow ours, or leave lots of comments. Or because they are hosting a blog hop or photo challenge. There are a lot of reasons, but to be honest - it's your blog and your reader/dashboard so you should follow the blogs that you want. And if you should decide to unfollow someone, don't feel badly about it.

On the flip side.... 

When you're on the receiving end of the unfollowing, it can be kinda hurtful actually. Cause let's be honest, it kinda sucks when you lose a follower. It really does. It's almost like you are losing a friend. Right? But it's not the end of the world, and it doesnt mean we did anything wrong. I have seen a lot of tweets or people saying things like "I lost 5 followers this week, what am I doing wrong?" - that kind of makes me sad to hear that.

I look at it this way: My blog, being a Mama/Partening/Lifestyle Blog, my not necessarily appeal to everyone. Someone may choose to unsubscribe to my blog because they don't relate to me as a Mother or a person, or maybe  they are offended by something I said (although, I hope this isn't the case), or maybe they are generally disinterested in what I have to say. Whatever the case may be, that is their choice. And though I completely value my readers, I respect people's decisions.

I guess the point is that here in cyber space, it's really easy to get offended when someone unsubscribes to our blogs. But try not to let it bother you, and remember that just like in our daily lives, you won't be friends with everyone. There are people that you are close with for a period of time, and then you sort of drift. Its normal.

Just be you.

35 comments:

Jess said...

Thanks - that's always good to remember! :)

Libbybonjour said...

great post. 

Britt said...

go girl. great post. I totally agree!

nicole said...

so true lady. right after i started blogging i felt this overwhelming need to become one of the "popular kids" which is determined by the number of followers. so i did what every blogger does and joined every top baby blog/mom blog/blog hop etc that you could. 

then, i remembered i blog for me. my husband. and my kids. the rest is just an added bonus. 

now, the followers i do have - i consider them {most of them anyways} "bloggy" friends. we share things and i get to continue to write about what i love. my family {and the occasional craft}. hehe. 

after all thats why i blog. to embarrass the crap out of my family ;) 

Courtney B said...

Loved reading this!
It is definitely a little blow to the ego (haha) when I see that someone has unsubscribed my blog but I really don't let it get to me. I guess the reason it doesn't bother me as much as others is because my blog is for ME. I didn't start it to get followers. You said it best... if people aren't on the same page as me they WON'T be interested in what I have to say. And that's just OK.

Andrea said...

You are just on point lately ;)  I am kind of switching gears on my blog and fully expect that every time I open blogger I will see my numbers dwindling.  I am ok with it because I would rather be surrounded by a small group of people who LIKE ME, not just a large crowd who reads and rolls their eyes. 

Erin B said...

Amen. It's tough losing followers, but better to be true to yourself than blog merely at attempts to gain followers. Thanks for sharing :)

Karly Gomez said...

This is too true. It doesn't usually bother me if I see a drop after a giveaway because it's really bound to happen, but when just randomly someone unfollows me, I do get a little hurt. OK, and maybe a little paranoid too, like everyone will see that one person unfollowed me and then decide they don't like me either and then everyone unfollows me until I have zero followers.


Wow, that totally sounds crazy.  But that's how my mind works sometimes, and I'm pretty it sure it stems from my complete lack of healthy adult relationships in my real world life.

Chelsea @The Curly Cues said...

I have only recently come to terms with this myself :). Good advice!

Nani said...

you hit the nail on the head. I used to worry about if i had enough followers or if I commented enough (just getting wrapped into the whole am I popular spiral) and I just hated beating myself up about it. It's life. People like you or they don't and there is honestly nothing you can do about it. it sucks yes but it's life. 

Also side note, I stopped following people with the follower button but I follow with feedly (google reader) I wish there was a way to show that. 

malanda said...

great post, couldn't agree more!

Sara @ Seeing Purple Stars said...

great post mandy!! <3

Meg @ Beauty&theBanker said...

Very well said!

Olivia said...

This is such a great post, Mandy!!!  Sometimes, when I notice a drop in numbers, I think, "Well, how long can someone expect to stay riveted by stories about breastfeeding and baby girls?".  But hey, that's what I write about and sometimes people just move on.  I don't think it's anything personal, it's just like when I canceled my subscription to Glamour, I was just kind of over it.  Your positive outlook and encouragement are always so refreshing!!

Tales of Grace said...

Great post Mandy!  I'm really just getting started with this whole blogging thing and spend a fair amount of time trying to get and keep followers.  From the looks of things, you've got quite a few folks who adore your blog -- including me!

melifaif said...

I could not have said that any better!  I completely agree with your stance.  :)

MamaMandolin said...

I came to this realization awhile back. Or when I think people get upset when I unfollow them. I know it sounds cold hearted but I just think to myself, especially if they're a smaller blog, "they'll get over it". And they will. 

I subscribe to blogs I think I'll like after a few clicks around the site. Then every few months I go through my reader and unsubscribe to a lot of the posts I just scroll past. I think it's just that some just really weren't what I thought they'd be. We're all interested in different things and there's no reason to take it too personally when someone walks by your blog without looking.

Well said, as usual :)

Summer Crosbie said...

You are so right. I use to get bummed when I lost a reader but then I realized, I do the same thing.  If I don't visit a blog for a while I just move on and un-follow.  I feel guilty but I do it. 

Stephanie T. said...

i love this! i've been on the end of both of the scenarios so i know how it can feel. the main place that i unfollow people is instagram and twitter (because let's face it, it's way too hard to go through and unfollow blogs so i just visit the ones i love throughout the day.) and it's usually not for the reason people would think. on twitter, it could just be that they tweet a lot of really redundant things, or blow up my feed with completely unrelated topics. on instagram, it's kind of the same scenario. some people just post really redundant pictures! or they post a million pictures at once and it's hard for me to keep up with things.

i don't know! i just know that people have been hurt by me unfollowing them on twitter or instagram, and have in return either blocked me or stopped talking to me all together and i always feel bad. i don't want anyone to feel like i don't like them, because most of the time that's not the case. i just like to keep my feeds as light as possible so i can really engage with the people that i want to engage with. ya know?

okay, sorry for the novel. i'm happy to say you're one of the people i clicked with right away in the blogosphere. LOVE YOU!!

Emily @ PeckLife.com said...

This is such a great post and good to put in perspective! :)

Michelle Kennedy said...

I agree! I try not to get caught up in all the followers etc. I have a small blog with around 125 followers. I'd rather have a small amount of followers that actually read/look at my blog rather than a huge amount of followers that's really just a number on my page, if that makes sense?

I rarely read blogs through my reader anyway, I have all my favourite ones bookmarked up the top on my tool bar (yours being one of them because I love your photography and I have a 2yo little man too :D) and when I have time I click through to see what's new :)I hate it when people ask you to follow them back, both here and on Facebook/Instagram "I'm a new follower, please follow back" gah! I think it's rude :/

Jessica said...

I try not to let it bother me too much when I lose followers. But, if it's someone that I've been getting along with and actually talk to...that's when I wonder what went wrong. Ya know? There was a couple of people that I talked to on Twitter a lot and then one day...poof they weren't following me anymore. They won't talk to me. So, I just kind of have to let it go and move on.

labarndt said...

This is my outlook on unfollowing as well, and I try to keep that mindset. I display what I feel pertains to my life - on Twitter, on my blog, etc. People will not always agree, and that's okay. At one time, seeing followers drop did concern me. Now, I realize it's okay...and I also realize it's okay to UN-follow someone, even when they make me feel guilty later and I feel like a jerk. ;) It's okay to be yourself. It's okay to not follow everyone...and it's okay for them to not relate to/be interested in you/your life.

Ashley H said...

Hi I'm Ashley,  I just started following your blog a few weeks ago. But I totally get what your saying about unfollowing or unfriending or whatever it may be. It is sort of hurtful. But I can be sensitive sometimes too. My twitter acct got suspended on twitter a month ago by their mistake. So it looked like I unfollowed people. So when it went back up they were like what happened, what did i do. Dang twitter! I felt bad even tho I didn't unfollow them. So in that maybe some unfollows aren't on purpose. But the one's that are those can be hurtful. I recently had a good friend unfriend me on facebook. If she honestly had a problem with me she could of come to me, instead of unfriending. Now that was really hurtful. Especially since I had done so much for this person. But sometimes things are better off. 

Nikki said...

It does sort of hurt, but sometimes I don't even know who unfollowed me to begin with because they were silent readers.  We evolve...one week I'm following/stalking decor blogs with avengence, and the next it's wedding stuff.  I usually only unfollow when blogger tells me I can't add anymore.  Then I have to go through and peek at who I haven't visited in ages.

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 It took a while for me to come to this realization, but I'm so glad I did!! It really takes a lot of pressure off, and allows me to just blog what I want to blog about! Ya know?

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 I actually never pay too much attention to who is unfollowing me. I'm not even sure how to tell?? I just see the number change and think "oh man, that stinks... but that's life". Ha ha.

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Yah I noticed that people that get caught up in the number of followers they have, start losing sight of why they started blogging in the first place. And I'm with you, i'd much rather have a smaller number of loyal readers... than a large number of people that have me in their reader and never stop by my blog at all.

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Love your novel!!! Ha ha. I unfollow a lot on IG and Twitter, too. I just notice a lot of redundancy there, too. I don't think anyone has even noticed when I unfollow them, or if they have, they don't tell me about it.

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Yah sometimes I feel guilty but mostly I just hope they don't take it personally. It's hard to lose followers, but I'd rather people unsubscribe if they aren't interested in what I have to say then stick around for no reason.

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

I go through my reader every few months and unsubscribe to blogs I never read, too. But mostly, I've just been a lot more selective about who I follow in the first place. Ya know?

Sarah Halstead said...

Wow. What a great post. Very true. It does hurt but I try to remember this. Not everyone wants to read about me and my problems. Thanks for the reminder. I still feel like I am trying to find my niche. 

lucilleinthesky said...

I'm kinda just glad that I'm not the only one gets the unsubscribe notice delivered to my inbox every once in a while. It's discouraging and disheartening, but for all the reasons you said, we shouldn't be offended. It is what it is. Not everyone is going to love us :)

zeeno said...

There are times my other blog will lose 3-5 followers and when it's a bigger number like that, I always just assume that maybe they were bot blogs because for 3-5 people to unsubscribe at the same time, it's kinda odd. It does suck to lose followers, but if the person wasn't interested in reading my posts, then it's a lose-lose. I try not to let it get to me too much :)

http://theninoctober.com

Happiness Is... said...

I just found your blog and think this is so true. Honestly, it may not even be about US the blogger as much as it is about the reader. Maybe they are struggling to conceive and it hurts to read mom bloggers. Maybe they are financially strapped and don't want to read about someone's renovation project. Etc, etc. Content can become irrelevant depending on your place in life, and it can also become hard to read about families that may seen to have "what you want" (even if we all know the grass is never that much greener or healthy)...