23 February 2012

The truth about pregnancy.

Actually, I should probably title this post "MY truth about pregnancy" - but I'm going to leave it because I think that maybe I'm not the only one that has these feelings.

I have been told by several friends that they never hear me complain. That's kinda unbelievable because I feel like I complain all of the time - but realized that most of it is actually in my head or to my hubs. I really really try not to outwardly complain that much. 

But I'm just gonna blurt it out.

I don't like being pregnant. There. I said it. I don't usually say that out loud either (except to my husband) because  I don't want to seem like I don't appreciate the gift that pregnancy is. Cause believe me, I do!! I really try not to take it for granted.

Here is the thing. Pregnancy (at least for me) is not at all glamorous like some Mama's and Pinterest might make you think. You see pictures of women and their cute little bump, all dressed up, make up done, hair done, cute clothes, big glowing smiles on their faces looking totally in love... totally fools you into thinking that's how pregnancy is going to be. 

I'm even guilty of posting a picture or two like that. Remember this one?

Okay, maybe that isn't a good example of what I'm talking about. But you know what I mean. I'm just loungin' there acting like "oh hey i'm 30 weeks pregnant and it's awesome".

But here is the truth:

This is what I look and feel like 95% of the time. I'm not one of those Mama's who get's pregnant and it doesn't affect my life. I know some people that find out their pregnant and go about their daily routines like nothing is different. They go to work, continue shakin' it at their Zumba class, eat whatever the heck they want, don't have much of a need for maternity clothes because they barely gain any weight... etc. But pregnancy changes everything for me.



For the first 18-20 weeks of BOTH of my pregnancies I spent most of my days staying within a few feet of the bathroom because I puke every 30-60 minutes. With Bennett, it was so bad I had to actually leave my job.

And don't even get me started on the constipation. Ugh.

After I get over the "morning sickness that is only supposed to last for 12 weeks", I start to get massive back/rib aches. Along with this... heartburn, ligament pain, hip pain, swelling, mood swings, trouble sleeping, numbness in my limbs, muscle cramps, non-stop peeing, congestion, exhaustion and fatigue, CONSTANT kicks to the ribcage and bladder... etc.

It's basically 9 months of never ever feeling good.

Pregnancy is hard. It's really hard.

Okay this is officially the post where I complain. I'm allowed one, right?

But now I'm done complaining.

What's funny is that after having Bennett... I actually said on many occasions that I missed being pregnant. But what what I missed was the feeling of growing a human child in my body. Not all of the nasty pregnancy symptoms that go with it.

Through it all, I'm here to tell you that it's ALL so worth it. The real truth is, that we go through these things for the single most important reason in the entire world. And that is to bring a brand new baby into our lives. A baby will change your life forever, but in the best way possible.

Pregnancy is amazing. It's amazing because it's a blessing. It's one that I will not take for granted.

When I hold my little boy in my arms for the first time this April, all of this complaining will seem totally unjustified.

So should I even post this?? I think I will. It's a way for me to remember, and a way for me to really appreciate what our bodies are capable of... and all that I go through.

46 comments:

Joni said...

i agree with you. i disliked being pregnant each and every time. the last one with elijah was the absolute worst and probably the reason i would NEVER EVER get pregnant again even if i had all the money and support in the world. love my kids and am so grateful for each and every one of them, but pregnancy is not fun. 

Jessica said...

I know exactly what you mean. This is pretty much how I felt when I was pregnant with Landon. I was sick from 7 weeks until I was past 20 weeks. It was an all day thing too. I spent most of my time at home and at work in the bathroom because I was so sick. I think that's mostly why I didn't gain too much weight with this pregnancy. I was also one of those mama's that didn't have to buy maternity clothes but I credit that to being sick so much.

Oh, and the swelling. Don't even get me started on that. It was horrible. Like, everyone that saw how swollen my feet and legs were couldn't believe I was still walking around. After a while I actually couldn't hardly walk. It was extremely painful. I couldn't even wear flip flops without there being a deep indention in my feet from them. My pants were leaving marks on my legs.

But, I did and still do say that I miss being pregnant. Not any of the stuff that I mentioned up there though. I think we could all do without those things. I just miss feeling him move around in my stomach. Feeling him kick(except when I was trying to sleep, haha) and watching Bryan's face when he felt him move.

Oh, wow! I just wrote a novel. Sorry.

libbyuglesich said...

I was so sick with Zane that I actually spent 2 days a week in the hospital for 3 hours getting infusions of fluid (up until 2 weeks before I delivered so for 30 some weeks!!) because I was so dehydrated!!! He was literally sucking the life out of me... kind of like in Twilight Breaking Dawn... I didn't look like her but I felt like that! :( So I feel you... pregnancy is not a walk in the park for me either! So I feel your pain.

Lindsay said...

I totally agree! I love my son, but pregnacy was SO HARD...and very stressful! Especially when you throw preeclampsia, an induction and a knot in babys cord in there :s But I also miss being pregnant and feeling Jacob move around in there <3

Becca said...

Thanks for your honesty! I'm not yet a wife or mom, but I think it's good for me to hear this side of the story. I think it was really cool how you summed the post up... You don't enjoy the pain, and all that, but you're very thankful for your child. I hope the rest of your pregancy is easier on you, btw. :)

Elle said...

I hear ya! My little miss is 4 months old and already Ive started the "I miss being pregnant" mantra. When I think back on it though - the morning sickness, the feet swollen to 3 times their usual size, the heartburn that was so bad it made me vomit everytime I bent over, the bending over (ugh), and the walking anywhere (esp. while trying to push an adult in a wheelchair - a daily part of my job). Oye. Yeah, I hear ya! And love your honesty. Keep it up!

Kiara said...

The fact that you only complain in your head and to Philip is impressive!  With Dane, I feel like I complained to anyone who would listen, but maybe I was just complaining in my head too?  I always tell myself I won't complain so much next time, but who am I kidding?  Pregnancy sucks.  Big time.  I don't see pregnancy as a gift or a blessing, except that it will give me the ultimate gift of a baby.  That sounds harsh, especially for people that would give anything to be pregnant (like me I suppose!), but once you are in the midst of the nausea, pain, exhaustion, etc., it is hard to focus on the end product.  But yes, once that baby is your arms, your stiches are healed, your baby is sleeping through the night, you will probably want to do it all again :-)

I am so glad you decided to put yourself through pregnancy again, because I can't freaking wait to hold baby Fitz!

Chelsea @The Curly Cues said...

I love your honesty. I definitely have those feelings at time, but I can't say my pregnancies have been as hard physically as yours (knock on wood!). I'm sure it doesn't make it any easier having a crazy little guy to chase after this time around. I'll get back to you once my belly gets bigger. You might see my very own complaining post!

LesleyEpstein said...

I hated being pregnant, and I had a great pregnancy (so don't feel bad).  I hated not feeling like myself, watching everything that I put in my body, the fact that it's on your mind 24/7 etc etc.  I love having my little guy though so it makes it all worthwhile in the end.  

Stephanie Clark said...

AMEN sista! This is a good reminder for me . . . It's easy to forget once you are a few months post. I was sick and throwing up in the bathroom at work (at a NEW job in a HOSPITAL) for at least 18 weeks - UGH! I had the WORST heart burn of my life. EVERYthing smelled like garlic. Then, gestastional diabetes - once I could actually eat something BOOM - you have to be on this diet. So after all that I was one of those people who didn't gain much - so I liked how I looked on the outside - the inside..not so much...and dare I say that "h" word you get from all that pushing nobody tells you about. THEN, at 11 weeks post partum the doctor says Oh you have REALLY bad galstones and need surgery today and that's probably what that REALLY bad indigestion was you were feeling your whole pregnancy. . . I KNOW it could be worse and I will do it again because the result is nothing short of AWESOME, but come one. Her's hoping for next tiem to be a little eeasier! AWESOME. b

Brandi Litchfield said...

I LOVE this post. It is SOOO true!

MamaMandolin said...

Dude I was miserable when I was pregnant. And growing my babies was really the hardest thing I've ever done. It didn't help that we'd moved across country, I had to quit my job, didn't know anyone and was pretty much confined to our studio apartment for 9 months haha. I always used to say that when women feel the worst physically toward the end of their pregnancy, well, I was that big halfway through. So I know exactly what you're talking about all too well!

Summer Crosbie said...

So true. Pregnancy is both hard and the most amazing thing ever.   I love when you get on your soap box and put it all out there!  :)

Ashley said...

I'm with you.  I missed (miss) being pregnant.  But only the part where I felt her move, and the thought that I was growing another life.  The rest of it?  Ohmygawd no thank you.  I think I lived on saltines for a month straight.  It was the only thing I could stomach.  I got carpal tunnel and my vision got blurry.  Everything hurt.  And I ended up with pre-e.  There really was little I found enjoyable.  But crap.  I'm so ready to do it again.  :)  Not long until you get to meet your babe!

Kara @ Just1Step said...

Girl, I hate it too.  It hasn't been as bad this time as with Krew, but with Krew I whined non-stop for 9 months to Dave.  I HATED it.  It seemed like every freakin thing on my body hurt.  Things haven't gotten super bad with this one yet...or maybe I'm just too busy this time to notice?? 

melissa atkinson said...

i couldn't agree more even if i wrote it myself. new reader. :) 

http://www.mypbandj.com

Anne U said...

Pregnancy is a true self-sacrifice, I'm right there with ya.  Only about 7 weeks left to go!

molly said...

Yes, you're allowed at least one post where you complain! Seriously, there are so many things about pregnancy that are NOT fun. But you're right in concentrating on the end result! I say I miss being pregnant all the time. But I realize that I, too, miss the feeling of growing a baby inside. It is like nothing else on this earth!

Amycournoyea said...

Amen! lol I do enjoy being pregnant (because like you said having a baby grow inside of you) and I said that I missed it after my 1st was born.. but it is a pain! literally! The constant aches and peeing all the time! Baby #2 is up in my ribs all the time and then kicks my bladder! lol 

Shondra Walker said...

I know how you feel! During my first pregnancy, I think I was too nervous about the actual labor to be too anxious for it to be over.  With my second pregnancy, I was miserable.  From about 4 months on, all I could think about was not being pregnant again.  My second son is 7 months now and I still have no desire to be pregnant again...like ever....even though I want a little girl.  Sigh.  Keeping you in my prayers that these last weeks pass by relatively pain-free and quickly!

Alicia said...

Oh, I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. Honestly, there are things I love about being pregnant. But there are so many other things are down right miserable. Thanks for putting it into words!

Gracie said...

Hey, I am not sugar coating anything! People ask me and i tell them i feel like crap. I am tired. My hips hurt, my nose is plugged up, my belly aches, i peed 8 times last night, im hungry but get full too fast, im gassy, I dont want to take the bus to work , so I drive in...then pay 16.00 /day to park, I have a dr. apt of some kind every week, I have blown through my vacation time, I dropped 500.00 on maternity clothes so i would have something to wear, but i would pay double that if i could live in my yoga pants and t shirt for the next 5 months. This has not been a fun experience... and unfortunately it is my first child, which I think makes if slightly tougher for me to see the silver lining in it all because I don't know the joy of holding my child, I dont know the blessing a baby is. All I can do is take yours and all the other moms' word and trust that it will be worth it in the end. I also made the mistake of you tubing a live birth and then looking at c section scars.... I can't unsee what I saw. lol.

Meghan said...

I feel so much better when I hear other women feel the same way! I was thrilled to be pregnant, and was so lucky to have relatively easy pregnancies. But I still HATED so much of it. But of course, after it's all over you do get that nostalgia and start thinking that you kinda miss it. Then I see a pregnant picture of myself and it's like 'Oh, yeah. That sucked'  haha. 

Tezzie said...

You're right...it's totally worth it...but, I HATED being pregnant, too.  I'm so glad I'm not the only one, 'cause those cute "look at me all dressed up, looking purty with my adorable baby bump" mamas were starting to give me a complex, and wondering if I was just remembering incorrectly! LOL

Michelle Kennedy said...

I loathed being pregnant!!! 
I suffered from Hyperemesis in both pregnancies which basically means severe vomiting 24/7 for 9 months. And it really was severe! I vomited so much I tore up my insides and was vomiting blood :/ It was awesome. NOT.I was in and out of hospital for dehydration both times. I couldn't move I was so sick. I was bedridden for probably the first 5 or 6 months both times. It was really awful :( 
I couldn't stand anything touching my belly,  I couldn't stand the smell of anything. I used to make a wall of pillows between me and my hubby in bed so I couldn't smell him LOL. He didn't smell bad or anything, just the smell of his soap, deodorant etc. I made him throw out all his 'man' smelling stuff and swap it for vanilla scented or unscented haha!
And I hear you on the constipation!! I got hospitalised for that too! The medication I was on made it even worse, lol.
Oh I had Gestational Diabetes too,  it was like the icing on the horrible pregnancy cake :/

But I ended up with 2 beautiful healthy babies at the end. I literally felt better the minute they were born! It was funny watching people's faces when they came to visit us in hospital, I was like a completely different, happy person!

Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy, not long to go now! xx

Sara said...

Hi Mandy - I just started reading (and I never comment on blogs, so this is a very rare thing!), but I totally feel your pain. In fact, I have a nearly two year old and a three-week old, and I detested every second of pregnancy. The insomnia, the round ligament pain, the vomiting, the exhaustion make it nine months of misery. That being said, it's totally worth it in the end.

laurenalb said...

STORY OF MY LIFE! I totally hate being pregnant but I love knowing I am growing a baby and I love holding my baby at the end of 9 months. I am glad you posted this, its completely how I feel too! and I always look like something the cat drug in ALL THE TIME. 

Sabina V said...

I just came across your blog.  I loved this post!  I'm a first time mom-to-be so this is all new to me...but the number of weird things that happen that are just because I'm pregnant is just ridiculous.  And I swear, if I'm not at work, I am in sweats or stretchy things 90% of the time - and not cute, skinny cute model-type sweats or stretchy things, but baggy old ugly sweats or stretchy things.  I can't remember the last time I did my hair or nails.  I can't say I HATE it...but it's definitely not an experience that makes me look or feel all glowy.  Despite all the horror stories I hear, everyone says it's worth it, and I'm sure it will be...but it's nice to vent about it all once in a while!  :)

Katie @ Lovesoflife said...

Holy cow. Could have wrote this post. I often tell people "I am a terrible pregnant woman"...because I am the same way. The puking. The constant nausea. I feel like I have the flu something chronic for MONTHS on end. And add in taking care of a toddler now? HOLY CRAP. It is horrible. I feel like a terrible mother, too. I don't feel cute, at all. It's not all daisies and butterflies. I hate to cook. Food makes me ill. I am a bad wife while pregnant. Oh the constipation. I am reminded that I LOVE the whole labor/meeting my baby thing. So...here's to another 23 weeks of pregnancy for me...(and a whole lot less for you! YAY!)....thanks for putting this out there!

discoverystreet said...

I'm so thrilled to see I'm not the only one...and I'm only 12 weeks.  I seriously wanted to die at one point because the nausea and vomiting were so bad.  My mother was sick her entire pregnancy with me and i'm praying that's not my fate...In the mean time, it's nice to follow along with other pregnancies and learn!  BTW, I see you're friends with Mandy at harpers happenings....I'm in WA too.  I'd love to join you ladies out on future endeavors!!

Julie said...

I had a hard time with pregnancy too.  When I am pregnant my emotions are so messed up I don't even feel like myself.  It is very difficult for one reason or another for the whole nine months.  

Alissa said...

I don't care how hard it was or would have become, everything is worth the outcome. I would take a thousand of those painful ligament, crying episodes if I could still be pregnant. Pregnancy is not a walk in the park and why would it be? Look what our bodies are doing?! It's only a period of time at least and it won't last forever. I'm glad you are honest about how you are feeling.

Ilaj13 said...

I saw your blog on fb so I had to read. And I love it. And I agree 100%. I NEVER thought I'd "miss" being prego, but some days I do! Hahah:)

casey said...

I did not like being pregnant and I do not miss it at all to be honest.  I want another kiddo though so I will have to go through it again but, I wish I could bypass the pregnancy and just give birth 3 times.  I'd do labor over pregnancy any day!  I did enjoy feeling her move and kick and mentally processing that life was growing inside me..the miracle of it all but, I was severely depressed, I broke out like a pubescent teen, I had a pinched nerve in my back that impaired me and I slept max 2 hours a night for 6 months....nope...didn't like that at all.  So, I FEEL YAH:)

Karly Gomez said...

You said it perfectly. I always miss being pregnant, but it's the growing a human part I miss, not the actual being pregnant part! I would complain to the hubs coooooonstantly, and the worst for me was the food aversions, nausea (never actually threw up, but the nausea was constant), and the hellish diabetes that always turned me into a human water balloon.

amy@agoodlife said...

quuiiiiit writing posts that i want to write before i can write them!!!  get out of my heeeaad!  

my thoughts on pregnancy are that yes, it SUCKS.  it's 9 months of feeling fat & sick & tired & achy & not like yourself.  but i am so so cautious of how i express this because i have so many people around me who have suffered losses or just plain can't get pregnant.  but it's so hard to explain that just because pregnancy is HARD & it's 9 months of discomfort, it doesn't mean you're not extremely grateful to BE pregnant & loving every minute of it.  how do you explain that to someone who wishes more than anything they were pregnant??  i dunno.  

amy@agoodlife said...

(and i will still probably write a very similar post :P)

Marissa Sexton said...

Mandy I love your honesty. Pregnancy is genuinely hard. There are so many times (usually when I'm perusing Pinterest) that pregnancy looks like chocolate covered strawberries & I want so badly to catalog my weekly "bump" in pictures standing next to a chalkboard that shouts "BABY on BOARD!". But for those of us who can no longer have children (and I speak only for myself), I was blessed to have one beautiful daughter and I honestly wouldn't want it any other way. Thanks for your candidness (and humor!).

Aliya Rinaldi said...

I loved this post!!! I actually am so thankful that I have it easier than most, but that still doesn't mean its not hard... and esp a 2nd pregnancy when you have another baby to look after! The exhaustion and pains is one thing not to mention the emotional/physical toll it takes on you... coupled with stress.. I could go on, but I won't. :) Eitherway, I still think you look fantastic! :)

Nichole Thomason said...

I'm right there with ya girlfriend! In fact I just recently posted something similar on Instagram. I am really not a huge fan of the pregnancy part but I do not for one minute take for granted my ability to bring life into this world. It took my husband and I 2 1/2 years to have my first son, Jackson. Those years were filled with pain, tears, shots, infertility treatment upon infertility treatment, praying to God for a baby and yes at times cursing God for not giving me a baby. 2 years of checking negative after negative pregnancy test. I felt like such a failure. But after all the treatments were said and done and we were resigned to take a break to figure out the next option and... along came Jackson. The light of my life. And less than 2 years after that... SURPRISE baby boy #2! How lucky am I right??? I do feel lucky. 100% lucky and blessed for the life I am growing inside of me. But it is hard, painful, emotional and sometimes damn near scary! But such is life right? I just try and embrace every part and be thankful for what I have been given. Sorry for the long post but I can soooo relate to you!! 4 more weeks to go for us. Good luck to you and God Bless!!

lilvicky14733117 said...

I dont know where they get the 'glowing' thing from either.. the only time i glow is when im too hot and feeling nauseous. 

Amber said...

I'll keep my comment short..........I AM WITH YOU, pretty much, ALL THE WAY!!

Sarah said...

Pregnancy IS nine months of never feeling good. And I agree...all those cute preggo ladies in STILETTOS NO LESS on Pinterest is nuts!

Welcome to SipMom said...

I have green envy for women that do not have nausea during their pregnancies! For me that was the worst, I could not even step inside a supermarket because of the smell. As soon as I had my second, and last as planned, I gave away all the pregnancy clothes with such joy! Just to look at them reminded me of the nausea!!!

Lisa John said...

Thank you very much, you taught me something new!1 week pregnant signs
 

Mrs. C. said...

I'm visiting from ILYMTC and I absolutely love your blog. You keep it real and I appreciate your honesty:)

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