15 March 2012

hormones.

So far, this entire pregnancy, I've actually been pretty even keeled with my emotions. I've remained cool, calm and collected - even when I was throwing up all day for 20 weeks and trying to wrangle a toddler. Even through the ridiculously stressful home buying process. And even through our move into the house, trying to get situated here and make this place a home.

{took these photos the other day and am inserting them into those post because i think they kinda reflect my mood lately... dreary.}


But ya know, the last week or so... I have just been a mess!! Emotionally speaking. I have been breaking down, crying at little things and feeling completely overwhelmed.

Last night, baby Fitz was on some sort of crazy high or something. From 10pm-3:30am, he literally did not stop riverdancing all over my ribs, bladder, back... whatever. I was soooo tired but could NOT go to sleep. It was actually pretty painful and by 3am I was so frustrated that I just went into the bathroom and broke down crying. It could have been just pure exhaustion that brought it out? But then in the morning, I cried again. This was probably only the 4th time I've cried in the last 8 months. It's a record for me because when I was pregnant with Bennett, I cried like every other day.


To be honest, I feel kind of alone. I mean... my friends really are amazing, but I really feel like it's just me and Bennett all day every day. I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable and unable to do things in a way that I used to. (play with bennett, pick him up, do some chores, and just plain get things DONE... etc). And when my Husband comes home, he's around to help with Bennett - but he's been so distracted and off in his own world sometimes that I have just felt sort of abandoned throughout this pregnancy. I'm not saying this to talk badly about my Husband because obviously, he's a great guy. But he really can not even begin to understand how hard it is to go through an entire 8-9 months of being sick and achy and just in pain... while trying to care for a small child all day. It's exhausting and stressful.

Gah!!! Okay now I just feel like I'm complaining and being a baby. And I promised in this post that I wasn't going to complain anymore. I know a million other moms do this every day. At this point, I am just going to chalk it up to hormones and try to get over it! So you can just ignore me! :-)


35 comments:

Emily @ PeckLife.com said...

Honestly, I think being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the entire world....most exhausting thing ever. You are doing a great job!

labarndt said...

Aw. I'm sorry, friend. :( I get that when I'm exhausted even when I'm NOT pregnant. :) In fact, I was that way just the other day. But to have a babe dancing in your belly when you just want to relax...that's rough. Tomorrow is a new day! :)

Karin said...

Aww. Sometimes it just helps to complain a little, especially when it's to friends who understand. It will get better, really, I promise. But until then, it's ok to cry, to complain, to feel totally sorry for yourself. You are working hard and doing a terrific job, growing a little baby in there. Pamper yourself a little. You deserve it.

Karly Gomez said...

It really doesn't matter how awesome our men are, they will never fully understand what we go through. Sometimes Rudy would come home and be angry at how little I accomplished, and it didn't matter how many ways I tried to explain the way the pregnancies were wearing down on me, because to him I simply didn't have broken bones or other obvious ailment so I was just being lazy.  Ugh.  So I hear ya, and it's OK to vent about stuff like this! It's not complaining, you're just trying to express some feelings that you can't do with people like Bennett and your husband!

molly said...

Awww, I'm sorry Mandy. Pregnancy is an emotional roller coaster! I cried a lot too so don't feel too bad.

Theboynamedafteracar said...

Poorthing.. I went though this not so long ago. Only a few weeks to go, I hope they fly for you. 

Manda Dieter said...

I know what it was like to be sick every day - and I was only pregnant for 2 months. It was ridiculous. My husband could not understand for the life of him. Are you sick this whole pregnancy? Were you like that with B? I'm sorry - it's okay to be emotional and it's okay to whine because seriously if you don't I'd worry more about that! 

Manda Dieter said...

Oh and your pictures are gorgeous!

aimymichelle said...

aww sad i hope you feel less hormonal soon!

Erin said...

The good news is this post means you are completely normal. Yep, hormones and all. Stick with it, Baby Fritz will be here before you know it!!

Jessica Roush said...

your words are echoing my life! I am just a couple weeks behind you (35 weeks) and I have an 18month old... And yes, I can (and sometimes do) cry about ridiculous things - especially at 330 in the morning! You are NOT alone! 

ruthy said...

I totally resonate with you and I'm only 15 weeks in to my pregnancy with no other children, but a fulltime, high stress job.  I actually had a sit down with my husband and told him I think I might be depressed.  In hindsight, I don't think i'm depressed, I've just had a really rough pregnancy (so far) and it's super frustrating when you feel like NO ONE understands what you're going through.  

amy@agoodlife said...

i know how you feel!  i've been there before.  it's so hard when you're in that funk because no matter how much you try to logically talk yourself out of it, you still have valid feelings.  just know that you WON'T be pregnant forever, you will have the use of your body back & your kids won't be little forever.  enjoy what part of those things you can & just know that this will pass!  <3 you, friend :)

Alissa said...

I guess we are each having our own hubby issues. We are such different creatures aren't we? I am always around for you to call or visit if you want. In fact, I'll call you right now and see how you are doing.

Lea said...

Oh, bless your heart, even though it's been eons ago since I was pregnant, I do remember having some of these same emotions.  It is perfectly normal and I just bet you will be fine once little Fitz is here and everyone gets adjusted.  Hang in there dear! Hugs to you!

Stephanie Doyle said...

I am so sorry! I broke down twice after I went through a month of throwing up all day everyday. My husband looked at me like I was nuts, but he just didn't understand how miserable it is when you feel like that ALL the time for over a month! If you ever need a break, I am more than willing to watch Bennett and let him and Hunter have some play time! :)

MYork28 said...

I feel exactly the same way about my husband. He is a GREAT guy, seriously he is, but sometimes I don't think he gets it when I'm pregnant. I'm 27 weeks, in pain all of the time (horrible lower back pain), and I'm chasing after a two year-old. I'm constantly asking him to help with things and hate feeling like I'm barking orders at him, but I just wish he would do these things without me asking him to do it so I don't feel like such a drill sergeant. I wish he would start rubbing my back or my feet randomly without me asking him to. I don't think guys get really hard pregnancy can be for us women. Stay strong momma! It will all be over SO soon. :) 

Sarah [NurseLovesFarmer.com] said...

You are allowed to complain all you want...Lord knows I do!

jtilly said...

Totally right there with you. I am only 28 weeks, but have been feeling so down and grumpy lately. Like you, my husband is a really great guy.....but sometimes, rather than hearing "Let's do something fun this weekend....let's take our 3 year old out of town!" I would MUCH rather he take the kiddo to the grocery store to experience just ONE of the many tantrums I get every day. And because there isn't the rush of planning for this baby like there was for our first, I often feel like this pregnancy is an afterthought and something happening to me all alone. Not too much fun. But, your post made me feel much better and MUCH less alone.....so thank you so much!!

Here's hoping for a brighter day soon!

SimplyStavish said...

Complain away..the last 6 weeks of pregnancy is SO HARD!  Big hugs!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Yes it definitely is!!!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 I totally know what you're saying!! I absolutely love when my Husband does stuff like that (give feet/back massages...) without me asking. It really does help so much!!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 He he thanks! :)

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 I totally know what you're saying!! I absolutely love when my Husband
does stuff like that (give feet/back massages...) without me asking. It
really does help so much!! 

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Husbands just don't get it. They try, but there is really no way that they'll understand! So grateful for a wonderful community I can vent to! :)

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Thank you Lea!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Even 15 weeks in is hard!! You're exhausted non-stop... and if you're anything like me... you're sick and nauseous all of the time. That is no good!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Ha ha thanks Molly!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Pregnancy definitely wears on you... not just physically, but emotionally!!! It takes such a tole on us as women. I try really hard to take it all with stride but sometimes it gets the best of me!! Thank you for your kind words :)

Kiara Buechler said...

No more crying!  And I will know if you have, because Dane will tell me ;-)  Just kidding, you let all those tears out!  And I will put the offer out there again, we will take B for the night any time so you and Philip can have a date night/morning!

Adedrickson said...

You're lucky you have friends. I know I work 3 shifts a week, but the other 4 I am soooooo lonely :( I have no one to even hang out with that isn't 3000 miles away. I love having all this time with Dawson, but even he gets bored. If you're ever bored or lonely or need help I would be glad to help or hang out!

Sarah said...

I think all pregnant women get a hall pass to complain AS MUCH AS THEY NEED TO! I know I did, and will do again the next time :D. You are doing an incredible thing as a mommy to your little ones...hang in there, girl :)

Andie Zimmerman said...

It will get better, girlie.  Hang in there.

Jess @ Here Comes the Sun said...

I know exactly how you feel- especially the whole trying to take care of a toddler while being uncomfortably pregnant part. My husband is gone the majority of the day as well, and sometimes I find myself resenting the fact that he gets to spend his days around other adults and not have to constantly worry about another person's needs 24/7. It's normal... and it'll get better! Hang in there!

Nikki said...

I think you can complain as much as you want when you are carrying a bowling ball with limbs on vibrate inside your body AND chasing after an active little boy.  I cry like that sometimes and I'm not pregnant ;)