21 May 2012

getting to know my baby

It's strange, when Easton was born, I sort of just expected him to be exactly like Bennett was as a newborn. I guess I kinda thought that newborns were all the same. Like, how they eat and sleep. And what soothes them and makes them happy. I placed expectations on Easton and had all kinds of ideas about how things were going to be, based on how Bennett was as a baby.



Here's where I'm going to be really honest. The first several weeks after we brought East home, I felt a little detached. I mean, of course I loved him to pieces. But I felt kind of removed, like I wasn't connecting with him as much as I did with Bennett when he was born. At first I just blamed it on postpartum hormones, and the fact that I was splitting my time between children, so naturally I didn't have as much time with Easton as I did with Bennett as a baby. But the real reason I felt like I wasn't in sync with Easton was because I was feeling like I didn't "know him". Ya know? I had established such a strong and special relationship with his brother, and since I had only had one child up to that point, that is all I knew. And since Easton is proving to be pretty much nothing like Bennett was a baby, I felt kind of confused and disconnected.

Does that make sense?

But now? Since having this sort of epiphany, I've let go of all of my expectations and am trying not to compare him to Bennett as a baby. And that's not to say Bennett was a better newborn, because he wasn't. But what I mean is, I've come to understand that at almost 8 weeks old, Easton is a totally different baby. I know now, that every single baby is unique and different. Every baby has different wants and needs. Seems silly that I am just now coming to this realization huh? Needless to say, the last couple of weeks, I have been really paying attention, and getting to know Easton and his personality. And in doing that, I have already created such an amazing bond with him. I love everything about my newest little boy.

16 comments:

ashlea said...

Hi there! Ive been a reader for awhile but Ive never introduced myself :) Having a second baby is a strange thing. With the first everything is so over the top, the babyshower, the hospital everything. Then here comes baby number two and of course everyone is excited its just not as big of a deal. I felt the same way as you did on not "knowing" your baby. After a while I came to a conclusion, I realized that I probably didnt "know" my oldest any more as a newborn but I had been with her for 17 months and knew every ounce of her more then well. I also felt as though no one was going to love my youngest as they do my oldest (I know thats crazy talk....posttpartum hormones) but when everyone came to visit my new little baby big siser stole the show. I remember crying to her at 3am telling her I loved her, thinking back I feel completly ridiculous! Post Partum hormones as so silly!

Sarah [NurseLovesFarmer.com] said...

Absolutely love this post! I am pregnant with #2 and our "old" boys are the same age. I have the same "worries" that you do/did. I have often wondered how there will ever be enough room in my heart to love another baby as much as I have loved Braden, but I hope my love is as instant for this baby as it was for Braden. I have a feeling I will be "comparing" a lot...Braden was a wonderful baby, has been a wonderful toddler....I think I've been spoiled. Baby #2 has a lot to live up to, but even if s/he is polar opposite to Braden, I will love him/her to pieces!!!

melanie @ now a queen said...

8 weeks old, get out? for real? already? I am glad you are bonding with your one-of-a-kind newborn more now!

Amy said...

I completely understand! I have a almost 3 year old and a one month old. And it is so hard not to compare them. My oldest never cried as a newborn and my youngest cries. It's hard to remember that she is a different child. It's hard to learn to divide your time between both children. I'm feeling like I don't have enough time for both as well as some for myself!

Kiara Buechler said...

Oh I love him so.  Since I didn't meet B until he was 4 months old, I can't compare the two, all I know is that E has the sweetest little coo I have ever heard.

thepepperandherpups said...

These are all normal feelings when having another child. I'm glad you and Easton have your own special bond now:)

Katie -Loves of life said...

This is definitely something to keep in mind as we get ready (in about 2'ish months) to welcome baby girl #2. Not to compare. I know it's hard, but I want to be mindful of the same thing!

melissa rohr said...

i totally know what you mean about what you expect! and i have three kids and will probably do it again with this one, ha - especially since stella was such a dream newborn. it is so hard not to do, it is an engrained reaction that is hard to let go of...i mean it is what you previously knew or all you knew right? it looks like your doing an amazing job though mama and i seriously can't believe i have not met that little man yet!

Janelle Whalen said...

I had my second little girl back in February and can completely relate to your post!!

Julie said...

First of all, I just started reading your blog-your kids are adorable!  I also have two little boys and I can totally relate comparing the two of them.  You feel like they should be alike and let me tell you that I find myself doing it at 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 still.  It's just natural!  But just like you said, you have to sit back and just cherish who they are and love them for every piece of sweetness (and crankiness) they are!  Thanks for being so honest-totally natural feeling!

Jessica Pugliese said...

8 weeks...that's crazy! 
Anyway, I will be honest and say that it was hard to connect with A in the beginning as well because I was very overwhelmed and that little peanut gave me zero sleep haha. So it was hard to figure out who she was while all that was happening. Don't feel bad at all for this, definitely didn't mean I didn't love her just as you know it didn't mean you loved Easton any less. Some moms have instant connections and some don't but that's totally normal! Love how you share your honest thoughts, because as you can see there are many that can relate!

amy@agoodlife said...

oh man, i kinda worry about this... because parker was a PERFECT baby!  he was so easy to soothe & was a good sleeper & was just so sweet.  so i actually hope this baby is like him & i'm afraid of being disappointed or upset if he's difficult & i won't know what to do!  or it could be that i have newborn-amnesia & only remember the good parts.

i think it's normal to feel disconnected to a newborn... i mean you love them because you know that they are yours & you're excited for your future with them, but it really does take some time to get to know them.  does that make sense?

Sofia Byrd said...

You are definitely not alone! I went through the other comments and I, too, felt the same. I have, just like you, two boys and they couldn't have been/are any more different! Before my second son was born I too feared not knowing how to bond with him, but it all takes time. I am glad you two are getting to know each other and bonding now! :D

Meagan S said...

I do think it's hard not to compare babies. My second is a girl so I was really expecting them to be different and it STILL took me by surprise. But I thought the actual baby part of it was easier the second time around because I wasn't  worried about every little thing. I'm glad you're feeling more in sync with Easton. It certainly makes everything much easier! 

Chelsea @The Curly Cues said...

I can totally see how this come about. We are use to the relationship we have with our kid NOW, and it was very different when they were first born, so it would be hard to compare the two side by side. Glad Mr. Easton is coming into his own already!

labarndt said...

I always appreciate your honesty. What a sweet babe!