29 May 2012

my real feelings.

I have been a little absent lately, from this blog anyway. A lot of the reason is that I just don't have time to write anymore. I have a crazy 2 y/o and a 2 month old (eeeeek, 2 months already!). I am back at work now and am spending all my free time editing and preparing for this summer's schedule.

But you know, a lot of the reason I haven't blogged is that whenever I sit down to write something, I just give up because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. This really should go without saying but I will say it anyway... of course I am happy to be a Mom and I love my kids to death, AND I am happy to be working again. BUT, I am just tired. I'm straight up exhausted.

I spend my days like this:

changing diapers, preparing toddler meals, feeding the baby, changing more diapers, feeding the baby again, changing more diapers, trying to get toddler to calm down from his tantrum, trying to get baby to nap, trying to keep the toddler calm so he doesn't wake up the finally sleeping baby, putting toddler to nap, changing more diapers, nursing baby again, preparing more meals, comforting a distraught baby, cleaning the disaster zone we live in, oh yah, I have to pee... wait... I have a screaming baby in my hands... gosh i'm hungry, i realize it's 3pm now and i haven't eaten or showered. oh dang, toddler is awake from his nap, better get his lunch ready....on & on & on & on.

you get the point.

I know that sounds really negative, like I'm not enjoying life. But here it is, the truth. Sometimes I don't. I would like to say that I enjoy every single moment of my chaos, but that wouldn't be real. I mean, the reality of a SAHM or WAHM life is actually pretty overwhelming and can be very hard to deal with. I'd say on an average day (before hubs gets home) - I get like 20 minutes to myself. 20 MINUTES. And that's if I can get the kids' naps to overlap.

Some days, I just want to cry because I am hungry and all I want is to take a shower, or take a nap.

And you know me, I always end my posts with a happy thought, but this time. I'm just going to say that I'm tired. For real, I am not super mom, I can not do it all. I will admit it. I need a break.

Okay I lied about not ending with a happy something to say, because look at these tiny little people? I just love them. 

*and i must end here because my 20 minutes of alone time is up, baby is awake and crying* ;-)

49 comments:

Alison said...

I appreciate this (and I'm sure a lot of other moms will too) because it's honest and exactly how I feel sometimes.  
I know you were not asking for advice or ideas but have you ever considered a Mother's Day Out for Bennett?  Just for a few hours  a week for him to play and you to have a few hours?  
I hope you get some rest and rejuvenation soon!

Kaity Leechford said...

Mandy, I know exactly how you are feeling right now! I have a 16 month old, and now 5 week old boys. Life is constantly going 100 mph, and quite frankly, I feel like I barely have time to BREATHE let alone sit and eat a sandwich! It's tough adjusting to this new life of being a mother of two. But I just have to tell myself, adjusting will come soon, and all I have to do is look at my boys at the end of the day and realize that no matter how many tears I cry from stress, or sleepless nights I have.. I would do it all again x100 just for these little squirts! 

I know its out there, but as another brand new mommy of two boys, I'm here as an ear!

-Kaity

www.pktaswegrow.com

Ashley Mellott said...

Oh Mama.. I can only wish we lived closer so that we could commiserate and celebrate our twenty minutes of me-time together. I know days like this are right around the corner for me and I applaud you for writing about them. It's the truth! And what's better to write about and share than that? You have two beautiful boys demanding every single second of every single day that you have- and when they're both napping by the grace of god, who wouldn't want to spend part of that time holed up in a corner muttering obscenities or finally peeing alone, with the door shut? Of course we miss you.. But we know why you've been absent.. And I couldn't think of two better, sweet or more handsome reasons.. Hugs to you, friend.. Skype dates and freakout sessions, once M2 arrives? ;) MWAH! xoxox

Ashley Mellott said...

Mmm.. Yeah.. it's me ;) AP from I Love You More Than Carrots. Thanks, Google. 

Kiara Buechler said...

Awww, I love those two tiny people too, and now B's hair matches E's!
I think we are destined to be tired until the kids move out, though my mom tells me she still loses sleep over us.  Let's schedule a sleepover for B at my house, so you can at least be off toddler duty for a night and day. And of course I am happy to schedule mommy's night out any time, even if it's just for froyo (hehe, not that froyo is ever less than a few hours). 

kk @ the mom diggity said...

I totally know how you feel. Ok, not totally because I'm not working as much as you. But can I just say it does get easier? I really thought I would never touch my computer again or have a minute to myself after those first couple of months. Now Zoey is about to turn 9 months (wow) and it's a million times easier. They play together now, and the best part...NAP TOGETHER. I usually get about 1-2 hours a day to either get stuff done, rest or just zone out :) You're doing great mama!!! 

Mama Monkey said...

I know how you feel!  Having #3 has me running constantly!  I love it and everything, just like you do, but there are days when I just need to get SOMETHING accomplished besides always doing stuff with/for the kids.  Hence my blog slow down too.  It'll slow down and even out eventually :)

Kara @ Just1Step said...

So sorry girl.  :(  Try to remember that this too shall pass...although getting through it is very tough.  I'll be in your shoes in two months, and I'm getting nervous.  I just read this blog post today, I thought it was a very good reminder of what to do in times like these, so thought I'd share:  
http://godcenteredmom.com/2012/05/29/when-you-think-you-cant-handle-one-more-thing/ 

Sushi Mama said...

It's not always perfect, it's often hard, and I only have one to deal with.  Pretty sure exhausted is the new normal:)

Sarah (The Stiles Files) said...

The transition from one to two children is tough.  I love your honesty and I think it's more than okay to not always love it.  I know I don't.  It doesn't mean you would change a thing, it's just reality.  It will get easier.  It will get tougher.  I'm sure you will handle it beautifully.  Or not so beautifully sometimes and that's A-okay!  I recommend the book, "Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box."  It helped me a TON!

Jamie Lincoln said...

 I totally know what you're saying. I have two that are under 3 years old and it's really hard! My day sounds so much like yours  and I feel tremendous guilt over not being able to play with my kids as much as I want to. I guess I can't offer any wisdom, but commiseration is nice, right?! Haha! Hope things get easier soon (for both of us!) 

Alyssa @ Opalandrouge said...

I am pregnant with #2 and wondering how I will handle two of them on my own:P  But please know, it doesn't sound like your complaining at all, just being real.  If you said you were great and had lots of energy we would all thing you were fibbing. Honest.  Its okay, and its okay to feel that way, hope you get a break soon. *hugs*

Becky H. said...

I have just one 8 1/2 month old yet I can still relate! I can't imagine how rough it must be to have a toddler and a 2 month old... especially when that toddler is an energetic little boy! I never have an issue with hearing  other moms complain about how rough it is, because the reality is it IS rough. The bright side is, none of your hard work and effort is in vain. All the time and love you pour into those precious babies will always be a blessing in their lives... and they will always benefit from it. (I'm telling this to myself too, as I type.) Being a mom isn't easy! Your honesty is awesome!

Rebecca said...

I totally feel you. I have a 2 month old and a 13 month old. It is NEVER ENDING... I'm enjoying following along with you because I can totally relate. Hang in there mama, you're not alone!

jess craig said...

i'm feeling like this too. i feel like all i ever have to talk about is what annoys me. 

SimplyStavish said...

I hear ya. It is SO hard especially those early days between breast feeding and chasing a toddler around. Our boys are pretty much the same age range apart so I have been there. It is still hard 13 months later with a potty training 3 year old (STILL) and a 1 year old who is all over the place but it's a big easier. One day at a time right? HUGS!

Chelsea @The Curly Cues said...

I'll be right there with you soon enough! Don't feel bad, we can't be sunshiney all the time! ;)

Katie McKenzie said...

I feel ya sister. I'm a working mom, and I feel like I work seven days a week, 24 hours a day. Between working at my job, and coming home and handling the housework and baby its exhausting, and I only have one baby! I don't know how you do it. I think two months old is about the time that I hit my breaking point after Landon was born. The newness had worn off and I realized that this was now my new normal. Its a constant adjustment. You're doing great- hang in there, and see if you can get out of the house for a little while!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Thanks so much for your comment, and for your advise!! I could definitely use a Mother's Day out!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Thanks darlin'!! I so much appreciate your support and encouragement!! xoxo

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Oh I know you know how I feel!!! I actually thought about you as I wrote this post!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Goodness... can't imagine a 3rd child right now. I admire you!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Yep, exhausted is definitely the new normal!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 The transition from 1 to 2 kids is definitely hard... but you're right, I wouldn't change a thing!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Yes, commiseration is nice!! Thank you!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 I'm not going to lie, the transition from one to two kids is hard... but at the end of the day when you look at those little munchkins, it's all worth it! :)

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Well, as Moms.... a lot of things annoy us. ha ha

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Thank you so much for your comment!! That's why I love blogging, I really feel like I can say what I'm feeling because so many can relate!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Thanks so much!! And you're right, my effort is not in vain! My kids are such a huge blessing, it's all so worth it!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Thanks lady!!

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

Yes, yes you will!! :-)

mandy @ asortafairytale said...

 Thank you!! I will be planning some girls nights out here soon! ;-)

Lea said...

I'm way past your point (mine are 33 and 36 years old now) but I so remember those days and it is very tough.  And, it's alright if you do not enjoy every day of it.  I am presently caring for my Dad in an Assisted Living Facility and while I love him dearly, I do not enjoy everyday of caring for him.  But, this is my life for now and I will move forward and the Lord always gives me what I need just as I need it.  Blessings to you!

Katie Fawcett said...

Wow. I feel like you just described my life exactly! It's hard work, but totally worth it, right?

Momma Bird said...

Thanks so much for sharing, this was me a few months ago and the sheer exhaustion of taking care of someone else just leaves nothing left at the end of the day and I only have one. I don't know how you do it with two little ones around.

Love reading your blog and updates. Sometimes when I am browsing blogs, I see all of these beautiful crafts, yummy food, clean kids, great photography and wonder: how in the world do these moms do it all? Then I remember that we are all in the same boat :) 

Sylvia Cook said...

It's the toughest job in the world!!!  Now try doing all of that and being a single parent! Somehow we all get through it.

Meagan S said...

Oh man! I so get this! Caroline's first three months were my hardest as a mama so far. Going from one to two - crazy! You'll get through and suddenly you'll realize he's just a few months away from his first birthday and you'll want to cry. *sigh* Being a mama is hard!

amy@agoodlife said...

oh, i so get this.  and it's what i anticipate & am scared for in just a couple months.  the first thing to go will for sure be the blog... i hope to still post pictures & little updates but i think comment returning & all the social media & networking that goes along with it will be done for a long while.  we'll all still be here when life slows down in another year or so!  :)

XSZdefineMe said...

Mandy THANK YOU for writing this! Every time I look at your instagrams or Facebook I think my God she's gorgeous, she's so put together, she's amazing, how does she do it!!!?? All of which those things you are of course! But I was starting to worry about you. I have a a 2.5 year old and 1 year old twins! They are 18 months apart! And Im a special Ed teacher! So I KNOW how hard it is! And sometimes you just have to let your self admit that darn it you are tired! So good for you! But you are an amazing mom, you have amazing family and friends! So do not be hesitant to ask for someone to come over! Even if it's so you can pee and take a shower without holding a baby or speed showering! Anyway good luck and thanks for the honesty! Take care!

Rebecca Doyle said...

Good on you for admitting it! I know that feeling oh so well, and you are right .... it is tiring! I actually don't remember when I wasn't tired .... I'm sure there was a time!
Hang in there - you are doing a great job :)

Matthew & Jennifer McEvoy said...

I know how you feel! Especially with the forgetting or not having time to eat, I hate when I look at the clock and it's 3 and all I've eaten is piece of toast, maybe. I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old and I will say that it gets a little easier when the baby is older and on a better schedule and able to entertain themselves for 30 minutes at a time. But, I just found out I am pregnant again, and that for a few weeks in February I will have 3 children under 3. And yes, it is HARD! And don't let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel like a bad mom because it's hard and you are tired. None of us are perfect and we are all tired but just remember that we will be blessed for our sacrifices as mothers and there is a light at the end of the tunnel and if you can just look at them once a day and remind yourself that it is worth it because you love them so much, then you will be able to get through it! 

We Are the Sheppards said...

adjusting to life with two is a process.  it doesn't just happen overnight.  easton is still little, he is adjusting to life with you, bennet is adjusting to life with a new little bro & mommy's time being taken up elsewhere when before it was only him, you are adjusting to how to handle each boy's needs appropriately, your hubby is adjusting to it all as well.  it will get easier.  i absolutely promise.  once you all get into your groove it will all run smoothly and you will look back and laugh & smile.  these are days you won't want to forget.  is it hard?  absolutely.  i still have days where i am run thin and mine are 5 & 3.  it's chaos but good chaos.  and just when we've got something down, something else changes.  you'll get through it, you're doing something for you...your photography.  that will get you out of the house, doing something you love & also coming back to someone's! that you love!  you will find the balance.  keep moving forward.  :)

Patricia11 said...

I feel like this too sometimes. A feeling of guilt usually accompanies it. When I do start to feel this way, I always feel like I should not. It is unavoidable though. It is just the way you feel and you cant change that. It does not make you a bad person. In the end we are human too and going from having a little time to yourself to no time is a BIG adjustment. It is important to take time during the day. I am a working Mom and during the day my grandmother, Averie's (my daughter) great grandmother, watches her. She is great with her. But, after work there is nothing I want to do more that play with my little girl, at the same time that is when the grind starts. I get home, pee (dont know when I will have time for that until bedtime), start to make dinner while entertaining a toddler, make her dinner, feed her while still juggling the adults dinner, then bath time, and bedtime (a diaper change or two is in here somewhere). Bedtime lately has been a bear. She used to go down at 7:00 and soothe herself to sleep. Lately she has been fighting sleeping and going to bed around 8-8:30. Sigh.... finally I have time to myself at 8:30. I literally have 2 hours to do what I need to do around the house and put myself to bed, so I can do it all again in the morning. All Mommies go through this. You are definitely not alone. I did not mean to rant, I just want you to know you have a friend. Another Mommy with the same routine.  On top of everything I mentioned here, I also am trying to be super Mom. We always strive, even if it is unatainable.
 
Tricia
awonderfulkindoflife.blogspot.com

Patricia11 said...

I feel like this too sometimes. A feeling of guilt usually accompanies it. When I do start to feel this way, I always feel like I should not. It is unavoidable though. It is just the way you feel and you cant change that. It does not make you a bad person. In the end we are human too and going from having a little time to yourself to no time is a BIG adjustment. It is important to take time during the day. I am a working Mom and during the day my grandmother, Averie's (my daughter) great grandmother, watches her. She is great with her. But, after work there is nothing I want to do more that play with my little girl, at the same time that is when the grind starts. I get home, pee (dont know when I will have time for that until bedtime), start to make dinner while entertaining a toddler, make her dinner, feed her while still juggling the adults dinner, then bath time, and bedtime (a diaper change or two is in here somewhere). Bedtime lately has been a bear. She used to go down at 7:00 and soothe herself to sleep. Lately she has been fighting sleeping and going to bed around 8-8:30. Sigh.... finally I have time to myself at 8:30. I literally have 2 hours to do what I need to do around the house and put myself to bed, so I can do it all again in the morning. All Mommies go through this. You are definitely not alone. I did not mean to rant, I just want you to know you have a friend. Another Mommy with the same routine.  On top of everything I mentioned here, I also am trying to be super Mom. We always strive, even if it is unatainable.
 
Tricia
awonderfulkindoflife.blogspot.com

Mandy said...

Hi Mandy, it's Mandy. :) I found your blog via a mutual friend, Nikki (I danced with Nikki's sister back in high school). You and I have more in common than just the same first name -- I'm a WAHM mom with a photography business too. This post you wrote is SO FAMILIAR to me! I have a 4-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy, so I'm just a few years ahead of you in the mommy of two game. I remember all too well how difficult the first months are. I know there's nothing I can really say to really make you feel less exhausted and stretched in a million directions other than that the frustrated feelings you have about being at home and never getting a moment alone while still loving and feeling blessed to be where you are ... those feelings are shared! It's such a crazy thing being exhausted and unhappy at times while still looking at your situation from above and realizing you love where you are and wouldn't want any other arrangement.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I completely understand every bit of what you wrote in this post.  It  reminded me of one I wrote on my personal/family blog a few years ago: http://mandymcmahan.blogspot.com/2010/04/day-in-life.html

Hugs to you from another Mandy/Mom-of-Two/Photographer. :)

Natalie Knight said...

I am just about to have our first baby this september and have always planned on having two children close together - as much as you can plan these things, and I have to say I really appreciate honest posts that don't shy away from reality. Who can honestly be on top of everything all the time?! I think its amazing you are back to work at all with 2 babies! I think its good to accept the downs and not take them to heart, then it makes you appreciate the good bits even more.
Natalie

jenni from the blog said...

Word.  Having two at home is HARD.  I love how real this post is and it's the God's honest truth!  I used the motto "This won't last forever, it goes by so fast" over and over and over (and over) again for the first few months home with two kiddos.  And I know I will use it 3x as much when I'm home with THREE.

Okay, I think I just had a panic attack.

This won't last forever, it goes by so fast.  And it does.

Camilleta said...

I always end my complaining rants with a good note too lol. I think just writing our feelings out can make us feel a lot better sometimes. I bet that things will get easier soon. I'm pregnant and people keep telling me that the first few months adjusting to having 2 little ones is the hardest and then everything settles down. :)

Christina Osborne said...

I understand your sentiment. I have a two year old and an almost six month old. With a husband in the Navy and going out on the ship at random times, most the time, it's just me. I love when the girls nap at the same time, and I always think that I'm going to be able to clean or pack (we're moving in less than two weeks), but I end up collapsing in my chair and trying not to sleep. When I get to that tired/hungry/stinky stage, I look at pictures of the girls, or I grab one and just hold her close. I'm still tired or hungry, but they seem to make it go away for a minute or two. You're doing great, even when it all wears you out. I look forward to your posts, and I love your honesty! :)