21 June 2012

going with the flow, no pressure

Two.

I feel like two years old is the magic number with toddlers. It's the age that they really start to do things like the "big kids."

Lately, I'm thinking a lot about potty training. When Bennett was a baby, I always told myself that I would start potty training him when he turned two. And... I kinda did. I put him on the potty regularly and we had success with both pee and pooh. There was even several months that he would tell me when he had to go #2 and I would take him to the potty and he would do his business happily. But... not so much anymore. I'm not sure why that all ended. Maybe I didn't push it enough, or maybe he just lost interest. I'm not sure.

Lately, a lot of Bennett's friends are starting to potty train, which is totally to be expected around the age of 2 1/2. Some have been successful, and some are getting there. And I am so thrilled for his friends, and their parents!! What a great achievement. But with this, I have felt a tremendous amount of pressure. I think to myself "why isn't my kid potty trained?" "what am I doing wrong??". I'm sure that so-called pressure is self-inflicted but it's there nonetheless.

But here's the thing. It doesn't matter. Bennett will get potty trained when I feel like I can be attentive enough to really go all-in. With a 2 month old at home, I just don't know how successful we will be. Plus, I'm not really sure that he's fully ready. And on top of that, what is the rush?? Why do I want my little boy to grow up so fast?? I mean, yes, obviously it would be nice to have to buy less diapers. But really... he's only 2.



I think as parents, we put so much pressure on ourselves to follow trends. Do what other parents are doing. We want to feel like we're keeping up, right? But what's with the timelines and all this annoying pressure? Well, I decided to just go with the flow, at least when it comes to potty training.

In the meantime, I did buy Bennett a pair of "big boy undies". He loves them. And one day, he will get to wear them full time.

But that day isn't today. And that's fine with me.

Oh and a side note: after running around for a while in his undies, he proceeded to sit on the sofa chair and pee all over it. HA!

.............
P.S. I'm guest posting for Ashley Paige over on I Love You More Than Carrots today because she just had her baby boy! Maclane, has finally arrived!! Congrats Mama! Be sure to hop over there and say hi! 

20 comments:

kk @ the mom diggity said...

I'M DYING!!! Him in those big boy undies is TOO MUCH! Jessi peed on my favorite pillow while she was potty training and I just had to throw it out :( I think it's great to just take it slow and let them lead through it, when he's ready, he's ready! 

Sara @ Seeing Purple Stars said...

potty training is a tough deal sometimes. my oldest is 5. i started potty training him at 15 months and it backfired! He is still not fully trained!! I haven't even started to potty training my 2 year old! When bennett is ready you will know! :) and how cute is he in those big boy undies!!!

Sarah [NurseLovesFarmer.com] said...

It's something that's so individual for mama and child. I'm of that parenting and potty training mind that "he'll do it on my time" and that's why it's called "training". BUT, I did wait also until I knew he was ready mentally. Trained him at 2 years 3 months with the "3 Day Method" which I highly recommend. It's an all in, lots of patience and commitment method, but so worth it in the end. Some just do it vaguely and off and on PT, but I wanted it DONE! :) We're still working on being consistent with #2, but I know it will come with time. I can't blame you, I wouldn't want to do it with a 2 month old at home and that would most likely explain the bit of regression that Bennett is having. No rush though, you're his mama and you'll both know when he's ready!

Tori said...

Potty training is no easy task, and when he is ready he will do it.  He is only two you have time! My daughter is almost four and just now getting the hang of everything.  Every kid is different.  :)

Kiara Buechler said...

I think you are doing it the right way.  I always poo-poohed the idea of "They'll do it when they are ready".  But now I think that is true.  However, I think talking to them about it, and showing them how it's done is an important foundation to getting them to be ready earlier rather than later.  You set Bennett up great, he was going in the potty when he was like one!  If he suddenly decides it's time, go for it, if not, then right now probably isn't the best time for you to push it.  How the heck are you supposed to do that with a two month old???  Him peeing on the chair made me laugh, only because I've been there, and laughing is all you can do.  Give that cutie pie a big smooch from me.

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

My story is almost the same as yours... I started potty training my daughter right after she turned 2, it started out good, and then she lost interest. I had my son when she was 2 & 4 months old and it all went downhill with the potty training. I was too distracted to care. At 2 and a half I decided that she was smart enough to do it so I took away the pull-ups and diapers (except for naps/night time) and within 2 days she was potty trained! (after many messy accidents)
I agree that they will do it in their own time, but I also feel like sometimes they need us to push them. For my daughter I honestly think she would still be in diapers if I didn't just take them away and make her figure it out (she's just stubborn like that). She'll be 3 in 2 weeks and she still wears pull-ups at night and has the occasional accident, but I'm ok with that.
Like you, I felt a lot of pressure to potty train Leila - which is SO silly! Each kiddo is different. Do your thang momma!

PS - your boys are SO stinkin' cute!

Sarajorossini said...

I'm running into the same problems with my 26-month old daughter. Man, the pressure has descended, and I have a four month old at home, and I just don't have the mental capacity or patience to "train her," nor is she showing many signs of being ready, but I feel that I must start to ease the peer pressure, I'm getting!  

thepapermama said...

Ha ha! R has peed and pood in her undies. :)

Emily @ PeckLife.com said...

Don't worry - Sky is 2 1/2 and i'm not pushing it...he'll do it when he's ready. :) He has a potty and undies and sometimes he's interested so I just try to foster that when he's into it!

MrsEyeCanSee said...

Hi!  Popping over from ILYMTC!

My son isn't quite 2 and in my opinion no where NEAR ready.  I'm no expert being he's my first and only, but from what I hear if you do it when they're ready it's so much easier on everyone.  Daycare has started putting him on the potty since they're currently training the older 2's in his class, but he has yet to ever actually go.  He asks at home, so we try, but again nothing ever happens.  Like you said, there's no real rush.  Two is still pretty young and I know he will get thereeventually!

Nicole said...

seriously. when your not thinking about it at all..  he will be and it will just happen. the pressure is what makes it soooo difficult. 

stick a diaper on underneath those undies and let him be ;)

Meagan S said...

I didn't ever push Andrew and I'm so glad I didn't. And I waited until after the baby was born too. I just didn't want to deal with accidents and the baby at the same time. And I didn't put him in underwear until he was practically trained. Again - fewer accidents! I think you can do it when you're ready and it'll be a lot of work, or you can do it when the kid's ready and it'll go pretty smoothly. Now that's not say we didn't put him on the potty and introduce it. I think that's important. We just didn't take the diapers away and make him do it right away.  I wouldn't worry at all what other families are doing! 

Jessa said...

My son as 4.5.  Yeah, he was ready, he just wouldn't do it.  Daycare finally did it.  But he's an exception and not the rule.  Usually by 3 most boys are pretty ready and interested in the potty and I'm sure Bennett will be ready soon!  :)

Andrea said...

My pedi always says "girls will PT between 2 and 3, boys will PT between 3 and 30"  lol.  I got lucky with Michael and he PT'd at this exact age that Griffin and Bennett are because all of my friends (with girls) were PTing.  No issues and he even night trained at the same time.  
Griff?  Doesn't seem like the same kind of kid....  With his personality I know I will have to go cold turkey on the dipes, I just don't think he is the type to dabble.  2 and a half is VERY early for a boy and I hear way more success stories with boys being closer to three.  I think with the second kid for me, I care so much less what everyone else is doing.  

I like to do summertime PTing, though (oh the nudity!) so I will probably bite the bullet next month.  

Love, Chelsea said...

I feel the same way, when they are ready is easier than trying to push them anyway. Plus I don't want extra stress with a newborn around the corner! They won't still be wearing diapers at 16! It will happen ;)

Meagan Bailiff said...

My daughter was 3 when she was fully day trained, maybe 3 and a month or two, and shes 4 1/2 now and wore pullups at night until about 2 months ago and wets the bed 3-4 nights a week......... so you just don't even worry girl. it'll happen when it does. i'm glad you have such a positive view on it because i know i stressed it biiiigggg time!

amber said...

You have a great outlook on this and I totally applaud you!
I have two boys, who are now 6 and 8, and potty training the older one was no simple act!  I started when he was nearly 3 and we went the bribe route, meaning everytime he pee'd on the potty he got a little prize. This was all fine and dandy until he got into the swing of things and we tapered down on the prizes.  He did not like this and nearly refused to go potty and as you'd expect it was frustrating for all involved!  At preschool, he was one of the last boys to be potty trained and with the support of his teacher, he was nearly 4 at this time, we just sent him to school with his underwear on and hoped for the best.  Within a week he was using the potty regularly (maybe this was peer pressure, but i'll take it).  Of course this doesn't mean there was no accidents because there was and a lot of them but it is what it is.  My younger son abosrbed all of this and potty training him was easy, seeing his brother was all the encouragement he needed and he was potty trained (day and night) so quick we hardly knew what hit us.
Now I have a daughter who is 2.5 years old.  We worked on potty training her when she turned two and compared to the boys we got the system down within in a weekend and within a couple of months she was in underwear during the day full time. She is so proud to be in underwear and we are slowly working with her on her night time routine.  She still wears pullups over night and giving up that last cup of water before bedtime has been a struggle.  She still tiny and I know there is time but Im just so happy at how smooth her potty training has been.

Every child potty trains differently and we all know our own kids limits, so never worry about what others are doing.

Stephanie said...

I have the same opinion...why rush it?! Hunter showed me he wanted to be potty trained back in December, I was totally caught off guard. Since then, I've really let him lead the way. He took a few steps back and we went back to pull ups, but he would always tell me when he had to go poop. The last couple weeks he's showed signs again, so he's wearing big boy underwear except at night. I've never felt the need to push it until he turns three. 

Courtney K. said...

Noah was potty trained around 2 years old and then completely lost interest. I've heard that's pretty common with boys. He showed interest again closer to three and he's been going potty like a big boy since then. He still has the occasional accident with going #2 (again, common with boys, I hear) and he sleeps in a pull up at night. I say don't rush it. Potty training is HARD and if he doesn't seem ready, then I wouldn't worry about. He'll be ready when he's ready.  :) 

Carey said...

Okay really, you know this but I'm RIGHT THERE with you. With a toddler who will be 2 1/2 when baby brother gets here, the potty training thing has crossed my mind. But I don't want to push Caleb this summer just to have him revert back once baby IS here. So I'm just on his timeline. We don't wear diapers as adults so everyone gets potty trained at someeee point ;)