17 October 2012

be kind.

*please proceed with caution... this will be a slight rant. i'm in some kind of a mood so you'll have to excuse the tone. i'm trying my best not to filter. keeping it real.*

I've noticed that there is a lot of judgement rolling around the Mamasphere lately. Not just judgement, but a lot of lecture-style posts (on FB, twitter, IG... etc). I'm all for giving advise and suggestions, in fact, I love that the blogging community and Facebook are such great resources to reach out other parents for advise.
But with that said. And that's a big BUT --

We need to be careful of how we're giving advise. Especially if it's not asked for. It's important to be respectful of people when we're sharing information. And it's super important that we are not judging other's for their parenting decisions or making anyone feel guilty. Sometimes even though we have good intentions, it can come across a bit harsh and judgmental.

Okay back to what I was saying.

There is a lot of pressure out there to do things a certain way. As well as a lot of trends that people follow. The thing is, not all things that apply to one person and their family, will apply to me. Or you.

What exactly am I talking about? I bet you're wondering. Here are a some hot button topics, to name only a few:

Co-sleeping. We've been warned this isn't safe for baby. But this is one of those things that you need to be responsible about and if you are, I think it's okay. I have been known to co-sleep at times. There are a lot of benefits to it, so let's be considerate to those that choose to do this.

The baby bjorn. All of the sudden, they're "bad" for the baby... hard on their hips? I guess I could see that. However, if you are using it on occasion... I think it's fine. I have the Ergo and I love but, but occasionally we use a baby bjorn because East likes to face out when he's being carried. I happened to post a picture of him in the Bjorn and within minutes I got a comment about how I shouldn't be using the Bjorn. Come on!

Rear facing until 2 years old+. Not a law but a very very strong suggestion. While I totally agree it's awesome to keep your kid rear facing in the car as long as possible... let's remember that just because someone turns their child around before 2, doesn't mean they don't care about their child's safety. Ease up a little.

Breastfeeding. I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding. I did it with both of my kids and I feel that everyone should at least give it a shot. But I do understand that it won't work for everyone. In the words of Mandy (at Harper's Happenings)... "let's just feed them, shall we?"

Cloth Diapering. This is becoming more and more popular these days. I mean, I even jumped on that train. But if I'm being honest it's not because I'm trying to be more "green". It's because I want to save money. The fact that it's better for the environment is just a bonus. But you know what? I totally get why people wouldn't wanna do this. I don't care how you diaper your kid. If it holds in the pee and pooh, we're all good.

Sleep training. I mentioned the words "sleep training" on my facebook page a few months ago and you wouldn't believe the comments I got about it. They weren't pretty. The silly thing was I didn't even get into a discussion about what sleep training methods I was using, people just wigged out. I won't go into this that much, but I will say this-- babies need to be trained to do basically everything in life. Eat, Crawl, Walk, Talk, Count to 10, Ride a bike... and yes, they need to learn how to put themselves to sleep. It seems to natural, but it's a hard thing for babies to do. So.... anyway, if you sleep train, cool. If not, cool. But please don't freak out on people that choose to do this.

I'm sure we all have opinions about every single one of these topics (and many more!)... But the bottom line is that whether you agree with other Mom's methods of raising their children or not, every persons situation is unique. We need to be respectful of other people's decisions and lifestyle. We're all guilty of judging others, to an extent. But lately, I feel like it's a little bit extreme.
 
As Mothers, I think we can agree that we all have maternal instinct when it comes to our  kids. WE are the only ones that knows what is right for our children and our lives. Being a parent is hard enough as it is, we don't need anyone else criticizing or judging us for the decisions we are making. As Mothers, let's stick together, and let's be kind.


28 comments:

Sara said...

Awesome post Mandy!!!! <3

WWW.seeingpurplestars.com

Stefani Wright Leavitt said...

Love this post. I think it is so important for us (as mothers) to respect each other and support each other, regardless of how we choose to raise our children. When it comes down to it, we each have a *hard* job and each child is different. Let's give each other a break and be kind! :-)



Stef @ Miss Jo and Co.

Heather Sweet said...

Well said Mandy! Reading this, it sounds like have a lot of the same 'views' on the things you mentioned. BUT I totally agree that just because it 'worked' for me (whatever 'it' may be), doesn't mean it will work for you.'

Kudos to your post!

jen_schoeph said...

great post!

sadly the judgement is high, i even feel like it's at an all time high. everyone thinks their way is best.

i like the posts that are put up, standing on their soapboxes, about teaching empathy, not judging, don't bully, be nice, blah, blah, blah but in reality they are doing what they say they don't want to do...::stepping off my soapbox:: lol

thanks for the post! good to know i'm no the only one who thinks these things!

Ruthy T. said...

amen and amen!

laurenalb said...

amen!

Kiara Buechler said...

I still can't get over the fact that you expect your baby to sleep! ;-)

Kiara Buechler said...

I still can't get over the fact that you expect your baby to sleep! ;-)

Kiara Buechler said...

I still can't get over the fact that you expect your baby to sleep! ;-)

Amy Nielson said...

WORD.

Janelle said...

Well said! We may not do everything the same but I totally agree with the message behind the post! Mothers know what is best for their child! Great post! Thanks for being real!

kerANDuh said...

YES. i used to be one of those meanie-trolling moms and i had lots of humbling life lessons to learn along the way. now i realize what works for me isn't right. it's just what works for me. and different isn't wrong, it's just different. love this!

sewsara said...

I couldn't agree more! There's a quote floating around pinterest that I love. It says "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Another hot topic I've run into is circumcision. I know someone who is very vocal about it and makes other moms feel bad if they choose to circumcize their baby boy. It is just awful and drives me crazy. :(

Katie said...

Amen. I totally agree!

Michelle Parrott said...

perfection my dear :)

Cari Terbush said...

Couldn't have said it better myself!!

Kathi said...

I love this post!

Laurel Walker said...

What a great post!!! :) We're all humans and we're all in this together.

Amanda M. said...

Agreed. I have been a mom for almost 18 years now, and in that time, so much has changed! But, at the end of the day, we all just have to do what's best for our own family.....and not be judged by others. Great post!

Anne U said...

Loved your little mama rant! Totally agree with sleep training, just seems like common sense to me.

molly said...

I love this, Mandy. I totally agree with everything you said!

Laura B. said...

Amen, amen, amen. People just get SO pushy and opinionated and FREE when YOU are pregnant or when YOU have a child. We care way too much about what everyone else is doing. It's sad.

Jenn_unc said...

Love it and thank you! Let's just support each other as women and not nit-pick and name call. As a non-breastfeeding mom I am totally with you! And I will always remember being told that the first thing your child has to learn to do without mom is sleep- we feed, cloth, change, shelter, and transport these being around but we cannot sleep for them.

Lea said...

Well, stated my dear!

lindsay said...

Great job Mandy! Everyone has their own ways of parenting and no one should criticize about how another mamma does that. I know I felt guilty for putting my little dude forward facing just a month ago at 18 months only because of how others keep preaching it needs to stay rear facing. Then I quickly got over it because it was time for us in our situation to switch it. Thank you for the "realness" :)

sarahracine said...

...and c sections, and circumcision, and inducing labor, and home birth, and baby slings, and epidurals, and working, and the list of people's opinions goes on and on and on. It starts the minute you announce your pregnancy and people ask (so rude) if you're going to find out what you're having and make a face depending on your answer. Thank you for this. It's so important to remember as moms to not feel guilty about anything you did for your kids because if it was an informed decision made in love, you probably did the right thing.

Philip Chiappini said...

This is exactly what I'm talking about when I say I don't other people's kids, I just don't like being around a bunch of moms. They instantly start talking about how things are supposed to be done like; like they really know.

Sheila@Chinaberry said...

Good job reminding everyone to be kind. Be Kind indeed.