This morning, Bennett woke up at 5am, which isn't uncommon, but annoying none-the-less. Of course, the night before was one of the only nights I was up past midnight (dang it!) so I was extra tired this morning. The wee hours of the morning weren't too bad, but then we went downstairs and bring on the meltdowns, tantrums, screaming, crying, and more crying. Every. single. thing. was a battle. Every little thing sending him over the edge.
If you have met Bennett, you know that he's so much fun. He's lively and energetic, and he is so dang hilarious and cute.
But, he's also stubborn, emotional, hyper-active, challenging, and extremely hard to handle. I mean I understand that he's three year old little boy who's fighting for his independence. But add to that his inability to sit still or listen, and, his speech delay and trouble communicating his feelings.... oh my goodness, some days are just a struggle to survive. This child is testing every fiber of my being.
...okay I got off topic...
So back to this morning. By mid-day, I was just at a complete loss as to what do to with him. I felt so absolutely defeated. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and go to sleep. What did I do instead? I took my screaming toddler up to his bed and ordered him to go to sleep, which of course didn't happen. And then went in the office (where my Husband was working) and had a mommy meltdown for about 10 minutes straight. I mean, it was legit. I was yelling and crying and probably looked absolutely ridiculous. In hindsight, I may have been a little dramatic, but in those moments, those intense raw emotional moments, my feelings were real. They are real.
Being a parent is dang hard. How can this tiny little human make me feel so inadequate? Most of the time, I feel like I know what I'm doing. I totally got this Mama-of-two thing down, and I give myself a pat on the back at the end of the day. But then there are days, where I feel as clueless as Alicia Silverstone. What the heck am I doing?? How do I tame this little beast of a 3 year old? What can I do to help him to respect that boundaries we've set? To listen to reason? How do I make him understand that he can't just do WHATEVER he wants all of the time?
I am waiving my white flag of Mama-hood, my friends. I surrender.
|just moments after the meltdown to my husband. keeping it real, splotchy face and all.|