08 February 2013

waving the white motherhood flag.

It's 4:30pm and I'm writing this while it's fresh in my mind. Because, well, contrary to my IG feed, life isn't always filled with cute happy kids and fluffy unicorns. I'm here today, letting you into a part of me that I don't talk about often. The part of me that admits that sometimes being a parent that isn't so fun. Sometimes it can just just gnaw away at your sanity.

This morning, Bennett woke up at 5am, which isn't uncommon, but annoying none-the-less. Of course, the night before was one of the only nights I was up past midnight (dang it!) so I was extra tired this morning. The wee hours of the morning weren't too bad, but then we went downstairs and bring on the meltdowns, tantrums, screaming, crying, and more crying. Every. single. thing. was a battle. Every little thing sending him over the edge.

If you have met Bennett, you know that he's so much fun. He's lively and energetic, and he is so dang hilarious and cute.

But, he's also stubborn, emotional, hyper-active, challenging, and extremely hard to handle. I mean I understand that he's three year old little boy who's fighting for his independence. But add to that his inability to sit still or listen, and, his speech delay and trouble communicating his feelings.... oh my goodness, some days are just a struggle to survive. This child is testing every fiber of my being.

...okay I got off topic...

So back to this morning. By mid-day, I was just at a complete loss as to what do to with him. I felt so absolutely defeated. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and go to sleep. What did I do instead? I took my screaming toddler up to his bed and ordered him to go to sleep, which of course didn't happen. And then went in the office (where my Husband was working) and had a mommy meltdown for about 10 minutes straight. I mean, it was legit. I was yelling and crying and probably looked absolutely ridiculous. In hindsight, I may have been a little dramatic, but in those moments, those intense raw emotional moments, my feelings were real. They are real.

Being a parent is dang hard. How can this tiny little human make me feel so inadequate? Most of the time, I feel like I know what I'm doing. I totally got this Mama-of-two thing down, and I give myself a pat on the back at the end of the day. But then there are days, where I feel as clueless as Alicia Silverstone. What the heck am I doing?? How do I tame this little beast of a 3 year old? What can I do to help him to respect that boundaries we've set? To listen to reason? How do I make him understand that he can't just do WHATEVER he wants all of the time?

I am waiving my white flag of Mama-hood, my friends. I surrender.

just moments after the meltdown to my husband. keeping it real, splotchy face and all.
But on the upside, since cutting my hair... my 2nd day curls are amazing.

32 comments:

Amanda M. said...

Hang in there Mama. We've all had those days! It's better to "freak out" on your husband than your son!! You're doing a great job.

Amanda M. said...

P.S. Just wait until he's a teenager! This was me almost a year ago...

http://www.amaddoxfamily.com/2012/03/here-we-are-again_21.html

Joeylee said...

Hang in there. As a mom of 3 {ages 3.5, 2 & 3 months} I have days just like you. Where the older ones just have me on the verge of a breakdown. You try to stay calm and not get stressed but when they know which buttons to push, it makes for a long day

Carrie said...

I could've written this post. My son turned 3 in September and he is verrrrrry difficult. People tell me it's the age, but I kinda think it's him. Like he's just very high maintenance...? Or maybe it's me because I haven't a clue as to what I am doing...? I have an 8 month old, too. Somedays it's just a fight for survival. Hang in there, my friend.

Kiara Buechler said...

Only you could manage to still look beautiful after having a meltdown.

Bev said...
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Karly said...

Mamahood solidarity right here! With a 4 year old, 2.5 year old, 1.5 year old and another getting ready to explode all alien-style from my stomach, I definitely hear you! It's good you went and had the meltdown with your hubby, sometimes it is SO HARD to not just completely go crazy on the kids. I've done it before, just screamed back at them "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, I CAN'T HELP YOU, JUST BE QUIET, PLEEEEEEASE!" and of course it doesn't help a damn thing, just confuses them and makes them more upset. Ugh. As long as you can vent to someone, anyone, it'll help calm you down and make things a little bit better. Especially if you can talk to someone who can totally relate; because there is nothing better than trading war stories, they usually lead to laughter when it's all said and done!

Karly said...

Also, I love your second day hair too, ha ha ha! Jealous, right here!

Rebecca said...

Just know it happens to the best of us!!! You are not alone!!! And remember, tomorrow is a new day. And just keep telling yourself that;grace is fresh for this day. Also, do something that will feed your soul throughout the day. For me, I usually have peaceful music playing throughout the day and it helps me stay level headed so as to handle the children with a more stable perspective. The best thing I can tell you to do is fill yourself so that you can then fill your children. And don't beat yourself up! You are the absolute best mommy for those boys, even in the midst of your own melt down. They love you just the same and you should too!!! But, you are not alone! Paying for you mama! This too shall pass. .

Point & Shoot said...

You are certainly not alone. Some days I want to just give my 3.5 year old the reigns and disappear but I'm convinced it has to get better...maybe when he turns 4. I'm sure tomorrow will be better.

Alissa said...

I think we've all been there. I have a very determined 20 month old, and as wonderful as he is, that determination can drive me crazy. I tell myself that this will be so useful to him later on in life. But now, when I am fighting him to not pull the vacuum out for the tenth time today it is hard to remember.

Everything is a phase right?

Michelle said...

Oh I am right there with you! My little boy was three in September and my goodness, he can be a little beast sometimes. He's going through a violent streak at the moment which is oh so fun :/ Hoping it passes soon!

Add to that a 6 year old diva with a 16 year old attitude, lol. Trying to get her out the door and to school on time, yikes!

Alexandra said...

If it makes you feel any better, you look cute even after a melt down :) I've had those days too, and I give you kuddos for not freaking out infront of your kid but the hubs ^ - ~ they are there for that reason :P Hang in there, I look up to you. I've only got one and I wanna put my hair out sometimes.

Donna @ Snowbound said...

No one ever said parenting was easy. We are all entitled to a little meltdown every once in awhile, raising humans can be frustrating, it's the hardest job in the world. You are doing great!!

April said...

This is the post that I nearly wrote today because it.was.my.day. By mid-morning I too had a meltdown and literally had to hide my phone so I didn't beg my husband to take personal leave to relieve me of my boys (3 & 1) The fact that we're all still living and unharmed is no small miracle, ha ha.
Your honesty was refreshing. Thank goodness for bedtimes, ice cream, and weekends. Hope yours is great!!

Renee said...

Im so glad i'm not the only one!! Thank you for this post, it makes me feel a little more human as i go and try to settle my toddler...AGAIN!! (Your hair is totally still Awesome!)

Bianca said...

You are certainly not alone my son is 6 now and were out of that stage fully but my daughter is only 16 months and learning quickly the affects of a tantrum. Stay strong your doing a great job!

XSZdefineMe said...

1 you still look beautiful even after a melt down! 2 give yourself daily credit even if it's simply "they are alive, they have been fed, they have some form of clothing on, they laughed at least once today, they experienced love." 3 not that this helps but we have to have days like this to tell us that we are human that our kids are human and their own little people with feelings and opinions and emotions. Not our little manufactured cute little play things. It's part of us and them learning who they are becoming. 4 again not a huge help but I also think that bad days have to happen so that we cherish and relish in the good days! If every single day was a good one we would take things for granted! Days when my Xavier says yes mommy thank you mommy I'm sharing mommy seem so much brighter because the day before every word out of his mouth was NOOOOO!!! LOL anyway hope you cheered up! And my peds dr says its testing 2's; troublesome 3's; horrendous 4's and FABULOUS 5's! So let's hang in there just 2 more years for fabulous! :-)

Anne U @ hot coffee mama said...

Feel ya mama...sometimes when the kids are crying I put them both in a room (Isaac in pack n' play) close the door, and let them cry together till I feel calm enough to handle it. It makes me feel better anyway. And if it's late enough I let a little wine join the crying party.

Mary Claire said...
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Sarah [NurseLovesFarmer.com] said...

Seriously, thank you so much for being real. I really don't buy the blogs and social media feeds that everything is all roses and sunshine, because real life isn't. I've been right there with you, thanks for sharing your day and I'm glad it got better!

cindyjean said...

Mandy,
I'm a nana of my first 20 month old grand darling. As all the wise ladies ahead of me have assured you, it will pass and you're not alone. I love your last questions. That is exactly what you're doing on days like this. You are doing your job just awesome. We get used to teaching the easy stuff, to not-three-year-olds and then bam, in your face. On days like today, I cried and vented, and then looked at myself in the mirror and said "one more lesson towards getting it", and hoped it was one in 50, not one in 150. But even if it was one in 150, it was one less than it was before. It was also helpful to have others around, with consistent messages, whether it was playdates, playschool for one day. I'm not sure if my daughter just wasn't as bored, or whether she benefited from having someone else say "no, you can't do that", to her or another child didn't matter, but she responded well to the variety.
And while it gets easier, it does continue. My twelve year old daughter was horrid at the dinner table, with a guest, and stormed off upstairs when gently corrected. I followed and had a long talk on the stairs. Her reasoning "I'm twelve and it's my job to be difficult. That's what twelve year olds do". I agreed, she was right. But told her, it was also MY job to teach her how to handle that behaviour. She pouted, "I'm not two". No, but I'm still the mom, and teaching you acceptable boundaries will always be my job. That made her laugh, and we got through it.

I wish you luck and love, getting through this. I enjoy your blog and apologize for the long post.

Keep going. Don't surrender the war, not even the battle; just surrender the moment to vent and go back in. You may find the opponent waiting with a hug!

Pakize Kapan said...

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Happy weekend :-)

xoxo Pakize (Keke)

http://madamekeke.blogspot.com

Jenna. said...

I totally get you! I had one of those days yesterday and all I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs. Thankfully today is a new day!!
You are such a wonderful mother and your boys are so lucky!

Andrea said...

I am a couple weeks away from having 2 babies, but my 2.5 year old can do the same thing. I think you did exactly what you were supposed to do! You let yourself feel the way you felt. (Does that make sense?!) I think we all know what an amazing mama you are, so I hope the next day was much better for you! Lots of hugs!

cassie said...

I have a 3.5 year old and a 16 month old and what you described is how I feel about my youngest. Everything that works to discipline my oldest does absolutely nothing for my youngest. Sometimes he will actually laugh when I tell him no. Lately it has been getting better but some days are just so frustrating!

Emily Peck said...

I am so behind on blog reading (as you can tell). I understand these days - last weekend I had a complete meltdown and was so livid that Josh made me get in the car and drive away!!! LOL, it was the only way I could re-gain my sanity. SO far, 3 has been much worse than 2 for us... :( Hope the days get better for you!

Claudia Castro said...

it gets easier once they can understand more

www.prettylittledahlia.com

{Katie} said...

I totally have these moments too! Weston has just started to sleep more lately, but he sent me over the edge so many times with his refusal to sleep at night! Parenting can be sooo hard!

nicole. said...

i can relate to every. single. word of this post.

the past few days {ok, months} have been so hard. and, while i am thankful every. single day that i have two beautiful, happy, healthy children.... i am on the edge most nights.

braeden is a complete handful. every. single thing is a battle. i have to ask multiple times for him to NOT do something - and most times with no avail.

he never listens.
he never stops moving.
he says no. alot.
he yells.
he cries. screams. kicks. and has multiple meltdowns a day.

and.... he has been in trouble in school TWICE this week. twice.

id put my flag up... but its broken right now.

Christa Cox said...

Sadly, ive been kinda MIA from catching up on my favorite bloggers!
So first off.. LOVE your hair!

Second. i totally get this. I just had baby #2 4 months ago and its SO hard adjusting. And there are times where you just wanna call it quits!
i totally get this.
hang in there mama!
Thanks for being one of the "real" bloggers!
xoxo

gillian claire said...

oh my goodness, thank you for this post. i needed it today! i am having a hard day with an extra special wild little boy myself.