Being a wife.
When did that fall to the end of my priority list? I suppose it was around 3 1/2 years ago when Bennett joined our family. I guess it makes sense. A baby is born and they take up all of your time and attention, they grow so fast, you never wanna miss a thing. All attention gets shifted to the new little human in your life. And around the same time Bennett was born, I started my photography business, which demanded whatever free time I had after I wrapped up my Mommy duties for the day. Actually let's be real, Mommy duties are never "wrapped up", are they?
Then came Easton. Our precious second born, oh we love him so, and are so happy to have had him join our crew. Only thing is, taking care of two little people is nothing short of exhausting. It takes all I have to get through the day. All of my physical stamina, all of my emotional and mental capacities, and by the end of the day, I don't have much left to give. I hear it gets better as they get older but I don't really see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So where does this leave my relationship with my Husband? Sure as heck not where it should be. It's always on the back burner. A few small little coals just barely hanging on to their heat, behind the burning, out of control flames named Bennett & Easton. That's where.
If I'm speaking candidly, these days, I kinda suck at being a wife. Kisses and hugs for my Husband are few and far between. I hardly show him any kind of charity anymore. I never leave him cute little notes like I used to, or offer to put his laundry away. Okay, I kinda never did that last thing. He has always done his own laundry. I despise laundry - but that's neither here nor there.
The question is, how do I muster up the time, the energy, and the follow-through to do the little things it takes to be the kind of wife my Husband needs, and deserves? And the answer is that perhaps I won't have a ton more to give anywhere in the near future. I can try, but the fact is, I'm tired.
And luckily, he understands (or at least tries) that I am spread thin. He gives me space when I need it, and he helps me when he can, supports my hobbies and passions and encourages me to pursue them, I very much appreciate all that he does. Bottom line, I love that man. But dang, marriage is hard work. Being a wife is hard work. I can and will do my best to put more effort in to being present and there for my Husband more. But I think there's also an unspoken (or spoken) understanding that a marriage relationship is just going to take a backseat for a little while. And while I don't like it, I'm going to have to be okay with that for a while longer.
Though I might be slacking on my wifely duties -- my partnership, friendship, and marriage with Philip is strong, and I have faith it us. I know this is just a phase. One day, we'll be galloping together on the beach, holding hands and watching the sunset together. Right? Right?
But in the meantime, all we can do is put in more effort. Even if that means just a date-night in, or spending time together folding laundry in the wee hours of the morning.