1. Are they healthy?
2. Are they happy?
If I can answer yes to both of these questions, I'm satisfied. Overall, the answer to those questions, for both of my kids, is a resounding YES. And for that, I am so thankful. But sometimes, there's more to it than that.
I've talked before about the struggles that Bennett faces with his speech & communication (here & here, and here). But I don't dwell on it too much on my blog, because if I'm being honest, these posts are hard for me to write. Being so vulnerable and open... it makes me sorta uncomfortable sometimes. But these feelings I have, and these issues we are facing... they're real. And the older he gets, the more apparent his struggles become, and the more my heart just aches for him.
He wants to be understood by people other than me & Philip. He wants to play and interact as a normal 3 1/2 year old, but he just can't. His social skills are being severely hindered because of his lack of communication skills. He is such a sweet boy, and so much fun to be around. But nothing is more heartbreaking, than watching your little boy try and play with a group of kids, just to be ignored because they can't understand what he's trying to say to them.
We have taken him to numerous evaluations, all have told us that he has a 25ish percent speech delay. But I feel like as time goes on, the gap is widening. He is making some progress, but not nearly as much I think he should be. We have him in preschool & speech therapy. And I do my damnedest to work with him at home... I just feel like we are hitting brick walls. It is so frustrating sometimes that I end up in tears, wondering "What the heck am I doing wrong? What could I be doing differently?" So I have to wonder. Is there something more going on? Something that could be more serious than just a speech delay? I just don't know.
At the beginning of this school year, I spoke with his speech therapist about my concerns and she has set up another evaluation for him at the end of this month. He will meet, again, with a preschool teacher, a developmental psychologist, a speech pathologist, and occupational therapist. All of them will be sitting around the room, putting him through test after test, to gauge where he's at now. I'm not sure what the results will be, but I'm hoping we will get some more clarity on the situation.
Being a Mom, is both rewarding and heart wrenching at the same time. You just want what is best for your kids, and more than anything, you want them to thrive and progress. And when you see them struggling, it just tears you apart inside.
Sorry for the serious topic this morning.. it's just something that is always on my heart. It feels so good to say it out loud.