Obviously, I've started to workout and I'm trying like heck to improve my diet. Granted, it's only a little bit at a time... but it's something at least.
But here's the thing. I'm at a point in my life where I'm torn between "Love the body God gave you" and "This is not good enough". I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. It's a constant battle, to be able to love yourself the way you are, and be confident. But also be working toward a "better you."
I'm starting to feel like even if I lost 15lbs and toned up... I would still be unhappy with myself.
What is it about women, that we have to pick ourselves apart so much?? And WHY do we compare so often. I always catch myself thinking things like "Why is she losing weight so easily?" "Why does she have so much more motivation than I do?" "I wish I was thin enough to be able to wear pants like that".... etc etc. It never stops, does it?
I think I'm just afraid to look at the real issue. I mean sure, I could stand to lose a little weight and tighten up some areas. But what I'm lacking, can't be fixed with a strict diet or a hectic work out schedule.
I've got to learn to love myself, and all of my many physical flaws and imperfections. My body has been through a lot in it's 30 years of life and it's done some crazy amazing things. I need to learn to be proud of what I can accomplish as a human being, and just embrace the way I've changed.
Am I going to continue to try and be healthy and in shape? Absolutely! Because truth is, I do enjoy working out and I do want to make improvements. But crap. I am done beating myself up over this superficial need to fit into a size 4 jeans again, or comparing myself to people that are clearly in a different situation than I am.
My goal from here on out are just to feel GOOD about myself. That's going to take some work physically, yes. But more than anything, it will take a change in perspective.