23 March 2015

Time To Get Real

I'm not sure if it's been obvious, but the past few months, I've started to stray away from writing really personal things here on my blog. I'm not sure what the reason is, exactly. I'd like to say it's privacy issues, but I don't think that's it. But honestly, I do miss it. I miss putting my heart & my thoughts out there into the wide open space. There is something to liberating about being able to just say what I'm thinking, and what I'm feeling. Whether it's good, or horrible, and have complete strangers be able to relate to what I'm talking about. It makes those feelings of isolation so much less prevalent. You know?



So here goes an honest post, about the way some things have been around here lately.

I have been so caught up with mothering, work, and redecorating my house, and fitness, and my social life, and vacations, and, and, and.... you get the point. That I haven't talked much about the current struggles.

What am I struggling with right now? A LOT. Some of which are so personal that I don't feel comfortable or inclined to talk about them here. But others? Are the simple things. Like being a Mom. Well, there is nothing simple about being a Mother, so that wasn't a good way to put it.

My kids, they are amazing and I love them with every ounce of my heart & soul, but they are challenging me right now. I feel like we had a good, solid 4-5 months of just..... bliss. Where the boys were well-behaved and were getting along pretty well. I was thinking "Man, life is EASY right now, how lucky am I?" But, that ended abruptly a few months ago. Bennett, he's still struggling developmentally, and I feel like it's all coming to a head. Communication and comprehension is a major obstacle for us right now, and it's just.... it's very hard. I will get more into that in another post, because there is a lot to say about that.

And Easton?? He has been pretty much an angel ever since he was born. He was the easiest baby in the world, and just a dream throughout his One's and most of his Two's. But, he's almost Three, if that tells you anything about where this post his heading.

I've just been overwhelmed in the Motherhood department I guess. I feel like both of my kids have hit a wall with their ability to listen, follow any sort of direction, or get along -- like at all. Obviously, they are (almost) 3 and 5 Years Old, so I don't expect a ton as far as behavior. But I do know when things are extra tough, and now is one of those times. My sanity has been hanging on by a thread recently. I've been clinging to all of the aforementioned things (fitness, friends, vacations, decorating... etc), to keep myself from going absolutely crazy. I realize that this is just a season, and it too shall pass. But when you're in it, and you're trying to navigate through it, it's ridiculously exhausting. Plus, I've reached one of those points in parenting where I'm totally at a loss at how to discipline my children. They are both so different, and require almost totally opposite parenting styles. It's super confusing and hard to manage. I'll admit that especially the past few weeks, I've been yelling a lot more than I care to admit. Bleh.

Clearly, I was just in the mood to vent and be heard. So, I thank you for that. If any of you are still reading to this point. I know that in social media, it can come across that things are always peachy and perfect. But dude, they are not. They things legitimately hard right now and man, it feels good to get that all off my chest.

 

18 comments:

Meghan said...

Praying for you sweet friend! I was reading another one of my daily reads earlier this morning & she ended it with 2 Corinthians 4:7, which says For our present troubles are quite small & won't last long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurable great glory that will last forever. I hope it gives you comfort as well! *hugs*

keshia porcincula said...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY! You are so not alone!

Ilona K. said...

Very nice post and reminds me that we are not by ourselves.

Sagan said...

HUGS. Life can be HARD sometimes, can't it?!

Jess Beer said...

You're not alone and you're right in that this is just a season. Keep your head up and enjoy the moments they actually get along!

The girls said...

I swear, I am going through this phase right now. I wish I could reach through this computer and hug you, try to give you some comfort. I don't have any advice, as I, myself, constantly feel like a failure lately. I will, however, pray for you. (I hope that doesn't offend).

jyonash said...

So feel for you! I have been there so many times....I am learning to NEVER think the thought...that everything is going so great! :) Nothing will change things faster than those thoughts! Luckily...change will come soon and it will get better! Hugs!!

jen said...

i'm so tired right and i so feel you. i just put my kids to bed way too early because i am just DONE. sometimes i wonder if we'd all be better off if i went to work and they had structured time out of the house during the day instead of me trying to figure out what to do with us. you aren't alone. it's true that it is a season and another season of bliss will follow but it's still hard. we all get it. thanks for not pretending!

Lauryncakes | Lauryn Hock said...

First, I love that picture of your boys! Second of all, thanks for being so open about the struggles of motherhood!

Michelle said...

I have 4 kids and they definitely cycle in and out of positive/negative behavior phases. It is so tough to stay focused during those times and remind yourself that no phase lasts forever. Hang in there, you'll make it. (((HUGS)))

Karri said...

You're definitely not alone. My 3 (11 and 13) are older than yours and I can tell you that unfortunately, it still comes in waves. And I still tell myself, "this too shall pass." And I still have nights when I pass out from exhaustion. Its just different than when they were younger. I know its easier said than done, but just try and focus on the good...its the thing that gets you through. And it will be what you remember when you look back.

Sarah Coggins said...

I so get it. My husband and I joke that as soon as things are smooth sailing and we have a handle on parenting, one of the kids makes a shift and we have to make adjustments. Patience I can be hard to come by some days especially when I don't always get a full night's sleep. But, it will pass. We will get through. And it's totally ok to have our moment to vent - we're moms, but still real people and have real emotions (and breaking points! LOL). Hope things are on the upswing for you all and soon!

Jamie Lewis said...

Sending you LOTS of hugs and love!!! You are NOT alone!!

Courtney said...

Share more, Mandy! We love you and want to support you! Hang in there girl. Everyone is dealing with something, life is hard!

Krysta said...

You're right… motherhood is NOT easy. It is something that challenges me in many ways every single day. Your motto is also one of mine… this too shall pass… and I truly believe it. Thank you for being raw and open… sharing helps everyone. Keep your head up and remember the REASONS why we do this!

Tania T said...

I miss that posts..I'm not alone, you are not alone and it helps to share eachother our concerns.

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

It is SO hard. I've been struggling lately too. I've been a SAHM for almost 9 months now and I still am not sure I really have the hang of balancing it all. And age 3 is hell. Ugh. You're so not alone. At least you have positive outlets to escape to and focus on.

Jackie said...

Oh girl, I am right there with you! Love you, sweet friend! <3