23 April 2015

You're A Bad Guy, Mom.

I really try hard to be patient with my kids. The first 3/4 of the day, I feel like I do a good job of working through misunderstandings and tantrums in a calm & positive way. When they disobey a direction, I talk to them calmly about about why I asked them to do such & such a thing. If they make messes, I let it roll off my back and move on, because kids.

But in the afternoon, usually around 3 or 4pm, I start to get a little less..... tolerant.

The other day, Bennett asked me for some Feta cheese to eat for a snack. Wait, your kids don't eat Feta cheese regularly? ;-)

Anyway, I dumped some in a bowl, got a spoon, and served it to him at the table. We have a strict rule that the kids are not allowed to have toys at the table while they're eating. It never ends well. Amiright? As Bennett was eating his feta cheese, he started playing with some legos that were sitting on the table from earlier that day. He was flying his helicopter around, only he wasn't just flying it from a seated position. No no, he was standing up on his seat, then sitting down, then standing back up, zooming the helicopter around like a maniac. I saw what he was doing and asked him to stop playing with the legos, because he would probably either fall and get hurt, or more likely, knock his snack onto the floor and make a big fat mess.

No less than 10 seconds after asking him to stop playing with his toys at the table (which he blatantly disregarded), he literally flew his lego helicopter right into his bowl full of crumbly, sticky feta, and knocked it all over the table, bench, and floor.

I'll admit, my reaction was less than impressive.

"BENNETT!!!! I told you not to play with your toys while you were eating!!! Why do you think we have this rule??? Get down and clean up your mess, now!! UGH!"

He immediately started crying and I knew in that moment he felt badly about what he had done.

And though I knew I over-reacted and instantly felt horrible about yelling, it was his response that really caught me off guard.

Before I had the chance to apologize, he said to me: "Mommy, you're a bad guy. A bad guy, Mom"

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Even though he was doing something he wasn't supposed to do. I was a bad guy. I WAS A BAD GUY. That is how he saw me. I mean, in 5 y/o language, that's equivalent to throwing out a bunch of F-bombs. It was really hard for me to hear Bennett say that I was a "bad guy". He's such a kind, thoughtful little boy. He always has the best intentions and I know that he's ALWAYS trying his best. So... why couldn't I do the same?

I know I sound like a broken record, but patience is something I am trying really hard to work on. Obviously, there will be times I will lose my cool, or the situation will call for discipline. But really, I don't want to be a "bad guy" in the eyes of my children. I really don't.

I guess this has turned into another one of those, "I'll do better next time" posts. And I promise, I always mean it when I say it ;-)


Bethany Magnie said...

Aw I think we all have those moments! No worries you will do better next time, you're a good mom!

Motherhood and Merlot said...

I think we all have these moments as parents. You can have the most patience in the world but when you feel like you're repeating yourself over and over, and then they still spill something or continue to do what they aren't supposed to... Breaking point! Don't feel too bad mama:) you aren't alone!

Jodi said...

😥 I think your reaction was normal! It is hard to stay calm but I bet next time you'll remember this moment and respond different. I think parenting is the hardest job w/ the least credit!

ADSchill said...

Aww, I'm sorry B said that to you. I can see that coming from Cooper for sure. I understand 100% how you feel and how by the end of the day, you are just out of patience. I tend to explode on pure impulse more often than I want to admit. I get so frustrated. Luckily, we do have the opportunity to apologize directly after for our temper, but it's still hard. I did the same thing with Coop yesterday when he kept pulling the sun shade from the car window and then whining about how bright it was! I finally yelled because I had to keep putting it back up or listen to him complain (which is hard to do when driving). He got really sad and said "you mad at me". He's never said that before. Yes, I was kinda mad at him, but I don't want him to think I am an angry person. Ugh.

Lamielle said...

Love this post! So relatable and I know how it feels. My 4 years old son was the same. In the end, I feel bad and wants to do better next time. Thanks for sharing :)


Tania T said...

"I'll do better next time". And I promise, I always mean it when I say it"..Do you know how many times I've said that?Unfortunatelly..But I'm really trying.Believe me.But ..but so many buts!But I think as Bad Guy as I am,this won't make me less his adorable mommy who loves him reeeally much!

Donna M said...

Patience is something I need to work on too! Like you, I am great for the first half of the day, but by the end I really have to put in an effort to not snap! You aren't alone!

Jaime Bacon said...

You are totally normal! I have a very small patience threshold, and I do snap at my 18 month old more than I should. I apologize, give her a big hug, and all is typically well. =)

Jayme said...

Gosh so tough. I too had a bad mom moment last night as I was trying to nurse my super fussy baby. He was getting upset, I was getting upset and then he bit me, with his one snuggle tooth, hard. It startled me so bad, I forcefully unlatched him which startled him too which made him hysterical and I proceeded to get hysterical too. He's only 7 months old so this wasn't even something "he knew not to do" but my reaction to it just happened and I felt miserable about it the rest of the night. I'm sure it seemed much worse in my head but it killed me. Today I tried to wake up with extra grace for myself as his mom and give him extra lovin whenever I could. Motherhood is hard and were all doing our best.

Anonymous said...

I find myself feeling like this and my boy isn't even two months. The only difference is that my frustration is usually taken out on my husband instead. I mean I can't get mad at a baby. He can't help it if his belly is gassy and the only way of dealing is screaming, wailing, and kicking like a boxer in training. I know patience is something that I need to learn before he gets bigger. You seem like a wonderful mother because I know a lot that would have yelled worse or not apologized or give it a second thought.

Tommy Brittany and our little Monkey said...

I really struggle with the same thing! It is a quality that I am consistently praying for. Patience! Luckily children are very forgiving and all we can do is keep trying! I am sure you are a great mom! The fact that you care is a great mom!

Laura Railing said...

I think balance is important for kids to see. If our reactions are always calm, they don't see the reality of what their actions cause. Reacting doesn't make you a bad mama. He will be ok!

Whitney H said...

I have to be honest, this is why I am afraid to have kids! I am very impatient and I'm afraid that I will be too harsh on my kids. If I can't control my emotions with my husband, how am I going to do it with my children? #realtalk

You're an amazing mom and I know that Bennett knows that too. I'm so glad that you shared this story.